


This Is Not What It Is

by MadQueenCori



Category: Of Mice & Men (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-05-30 16:32:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 37,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6431938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadQueenCori/pseuds/MadQueenCori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Austin Carlile. Phoenix Ella. When the two slowly fall in love during tour, will both of their past fuck up the future relationship?</p><p>I DON'T OWN OF MICE AND MEN AND TONIGHT ALIVE. Or any bands that may appear in the future.</p><p>I do own Phoenix Ella, York, Eli, Simon, and Spencer. The tour name is mine, and "Kiss Of Death" is also mine. I made them character bios if you wanna check that out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This is the first day of Kissing The Reaper Tour. It was my band, Kiss Of Death, Of Mice and Men, and Tonight Alive. Of Mice and Men are the head liners. I adjusted my beanie and slipped on my Toms. I looked at the ground as I walked off the bus. We were parked at the first venue. I was nervous about this tour. I walked around looking for a convenient store. I finally found one. I walked inside and bought an Arizona Green Tea. I paid and left. I saw the line of fans and they cheered when they saw me. I laughed and waved. I got back on to the bus and sat my ass on the couch in the front lounge. I opened my tea and started to drink it. I watched my band mates talk. I was zoning out the talking and watched them talk. I checked my phone, seeing I had a text from the tour manager.

Interview with Austin and Jenna outside the buses about tour at 4:30.

I checked the time. 4PM. I put my phone away, and got up.

"Where you going?" York, bass player, ask me.  
"I have to go look presentable for an interview in 20," I mumble going into the bathroom.

I pull off my beanie and start straightening my hair. It was long and brunette. I groan at the frustration of my hair. I put my beanie back on. I look at my face then quickly wash it. I looked at the time. 4:25PM.

"Fuck!" I groan and grabbing my jean jacket.

I slip it on as I walk off the bus, looking for Jenna and Austin. Austin and Jenna were standing outside Austin's bus. I walk up to them.

"Hey," They say at the same time.  
"Hi," I reply.

The interviewer got her questions and look over at us, as we start the interview.

"Introduce yourself to those who don't know you," she says.  
"I'm Austin, I do lead yelling for Of Mice and Men," Austin says.  
"I'm Jenna, I sing for Tonight Alive," Jenna says.  
"I'm Phoenix, I do lead yelling for Kiss Of Death," I say casually.

The interviewer asked things about tour and fun things. I didn't care for that interview. I start to walk into the venue. We had to do sound check. They checked everything. I was hanging in the Kiss Of Death dressing room. Austin came in to hang out with us. He got along with everyone besides me.

"Phoenix?" Austin questions.  
"Hm?" I answer.  
"Your screaming is awesome. You have an amazing talent."  
"Th-thank you."  
"You are welcome. And you are cute."  
"Shut up," I mumble as I stand up.

Our band was called to the stage . I did my vocal warm ups as we got on the stage and everyone cheered. I was having the time of my life, like you do playing a show. Our set ended and I thanked everyone for coming out and to enjoy the other bands. We walked off stage and went back to the dressing room, I instantly grabbed a water bottle, drinking most it. I needed tea tonight. I sat on the couch, looking at the ground. I ruffles my hair and sighed quietly. I was tired of being alone, but I wasn't going to open myself up to anyone. I didn't want to date anyone in the band. I'd date Jenna, I laughed at my thought. All of sudden, Austin came running through my head. 'You are cute.' I smiled unknowingly at that compliment.

"Why are you smiling?" Simon, the drummer, asks me.  
"Can't I just smile?" I counter ask.  
"We never see you smile!" Spencer, the lead guitarist comments.  
"Is it Austin?" Elijah, the singer/other guitarist, ask in his singsong voice.  
"Wh-what? NO! Austin is just a guy who will hurt me. I don't need a man in my life. The only guys i need are you four," I say, standing up.

I walked out and down towards the Of Mice and Men dressing room. I knock on the door three times. The door opens and I see the ginger princess.

"Hey, Phoenix right?" He says/asks.  
"Hey Alan. Do you have any cigarettes with you?" I reply.  
"Yeah," he pulls them out of his pocket and hands me one and hands me his lighter, "Return the lighter when you get back."  
"Of course," I say, shoving the cigarette in my mouth.

I walked outside before I lit up the cigarette. Aaah the temporary stress taker awayer. I look down at his lighter, smiling at it. It had a cat on it and letters on the bottom spelling out 'Alan'. I took out my phone to call my mom. I removed the cigarette from my mouth.

"Hello?" My mom answers.  
"Hey, mom."  
"Hi, baby girl, how are you?"  
"I'm good, just standing out the venue to get fresh air."  
"That's good, baby. Let us know when you are in town. Someone misses you."  
I froze up, praying it wasn't my ex boyfriend, "Yeah, I'll let you know. I miss you."  
"I miss you."  
"I have to go, there is a signing in a few minutes."  
"Alright, go have fun being famous.  
"I love you mom."  
"I love you too, Phoenix."  
"Bu-Bye."  
"Bye."

I hung up. I quickly put the cigarette out and walked back inside. I knocked on the dressing room door for OMAM. Their tour manager opened it.

"Alan's lighter." I say as I hand it over.  
"Thanks. I'll get it to him." He took the lighter.

I walked down the hall to our dressing room. I walked in and the guys were listening to Katy Perry. I laughed at them. I sat down on the seat I left.

"I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT! THE TASTE OF HER CHERRY CHAPSTICK." Elijah sings.

I laugh loudly at him. He gave me a look but I kept on laughing. I love these boys. They are seriously some of my favorite people in the world. I got up and walk to the door. The guys kept singing. I walked out of the dressing room and started walking down the hall. I walked outside. I stood out there and snuck onto the bus, grabbing my lighter and cigarettes. I walked back outside and lit up a cigarette. I usually only have one a day, but I get stressed the first day of tour. I put out my cigarette, after I finished it, and walked back into the venue. I saw OMAM walk down the hall from the stage. I smiled when I made eye contact with Austin. I caught Austin smiling as I walked back into the dressing room. The band helped the crew load everything back up and we all got on the bus. I laid down in my bunk. The guys were just going to drink. This is going to be a long tour.


	2. Chapter 2

A couple of tour dates in and we are almost to Los Angeles. I'm excited to see my parents, I guess. I love them to death. They are coming to the show. They always love to watch me. We are going to drive by to my parents house to pick them up. We are also going to get a quick a shower. Thank God, they live right down the street from the venue. We arrive at their house, the whole crew and band come in. We are doing laundry and showering. The buses were early today. The rest of them went to the venues. My mom helped me do the laundry and every guy showered before I did. I had fucking freezing water but I didn't care. I just wanted to shower. I got out and changed into my stage clothes. We end up leaving because we are first on stage tonight. We drive down to venue and out our gear out of the trailer. My parents just stayed in the dressing room as we did set up, but my mom had her camera. We get done with sound check and went back to the dressing room.

"Smile sweethearts," Mom cooed/demanded when we walked in.

We all smiled and she took a picture of us. I slipped my way to the mirror. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, letting the stuff that was long enough fall. I teased them up. I pinned back my bangs. I look fucking ridiculous, I don't care though. I made my ponytail into a bun. I smiled. My mom was taking pictures of me the whole time, then she took pictures of the boys. They are the five sons she never wanted.

"Come here princess," My dad says as he looks at me.  
I walked over to my dad as I sat on the floor in front of him, "Yes dad?"  
"I'm proud of you," he says.  
"Thanks Pop." I reply.  
"Your mother wants you and the band in the next Christmas card."  
"Ugh, of course she does."  
"Just humor your mother, please?"  
"Fine." I mumble.

We get called to stage. We go out on stage and my parents stand side stage, listening as we do our set. I saw Austin was standing with my parents. I blushed slightly. We had just ended a song, so Elijah decides to be funny.

"Why are you blushing? Is there some cute guy out in the audience?" Elijah teases.  
"Shut uuuup," I look over at him, pouting.  
"Now, you are pouting? Awwwwh," he coos.  
"Do you want me to hug you and kiss your cheek and say 'I love you Elijahboo'?" I ask laughing.  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
"You embarrassed me and revenge is sweet."

I walk over to him, hugging him tightly, kissing his cheek. He pushed me away and I said loudly, "I LOVE YOU ELIJAHBOO!"

Everyone was laughing. I even saw my parents laughing. I sticked out my tongue at him. He rolls his eyes and started playing the next song. Once our set was over, I thanked the crowd, and walked off stage with everyone else. I hugged my parents tightly. My mom mumbled 'I love you I'm so proud.' My dad did the same. We walked back to the dressing room. Austin was in there, surprise surprise. I smiled small when I saw him. I introduced my parents to him.

"You are that tattooed scary man my daughter use to hang up in her room," my mom blurted out.  
"MOM!" I said hiding my hands in my face, blush heating up in my cheeks.  
Austin laugh, his eyes locked on mine, "Awh, how cute."  
"Shuuuuuush." I whined.

York and Elijah walked my parents home, bless their hearts. Austin and I talked till he had to go on stage. I went and watched them play. I mumbles along to each song. They were amazing. I loved watching them live. Austin saw me and smiled. I waved and giggled quietly.

"Some one likes Austin," Simon using his singsong voice.  
"No, they don't," I use my singsong voice.  
"Yes, you do."  
"No."  
"Yes."  
"Noooo." I push Simon carefully.

Their set ended. I walked back into the dressing room and grabbed my smokes. I walk down to the OMAM dressing room and I knock on the door. Alan opened the door.

"Hey Phoenix," He greeted.  
"Do you wanna go out for a smoke?" I ask kinda quickly.  
"Yeah, cool."  
"Cool."

He walks back into the dressing room grabbing his jacket, smokes, and his lighter. He came back out, smiling. He nodded and we headed outside. Once we were outside, we both instantly lighting a cigarette.

"So, what's new?" Alan asks.  
"Hm, got a new song in the writing. I think I like someone," I reply.  
"Oh, yeah, who?" He uses his sing song voice.  
"No one..." I lied.  
"It's someone."  
"Yeah, but I'm not hundred percent sure."  
"Alright, alright."

I put out my cigarette, getting another from the carton, lighting it. Alan did the same.

"Aren't you worried about your vocal cords?" Alan asks.  
"Yeah, but I smoke every once in a while and usually one or two when I do, so." I answer.  
"Still bad."  
"Hypocrite."  
"I know but my job in the band is not based on my vocal cords. It's my fingers."  
"True...sorry."  
"It's alright, kiddo." He nudged my side with his arm, using a little force.

I laughed quietly. We finished our cigarettes. I wrote my number on his cigarette carton. We walked back in. Everyone was heading off for the buses so we just went back outside and on to our separate buses. I crawled in my bunk and my phone went off. I looked down at the screen.

Hey. It's Alan.

I yawned as I click to reply. My fingers swiping across my keyboard.

Hi Kitten c:

I shut my eyes slowly after, falling into a deep slumber for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Phoenix, Arizona. Hot as hell. Dry as hell. And it's March. I've been texting Alan a lot more than I'd care to admit. We were at the venue and we did sound check. Everyone was at catering, eating away, however I'm just sitting in dressing room. I wasn't really hungry, so. I am just scrolling through my pictures. The door opens quietly. I look over at it. Austin was peeking his head in, holding a plate with some grapes on it.

"Hey," he said staying the door way.  
"Hey. Come in," I say.  
He comes in and sits down next to me, "I brought you grapes cause I remember from that interview we did that you said you like grapes. They are green, just like you like."  
"I do like green grapes. Thank you Austin." I say taking a grape off the vine, popping it in my mouth.  
"How come you didn't come to catering?" He asks.  
"Oh, I just wasn't hungry," I reply after I swallow the first grape, taking the plate from him.  
"Oh, alright," He says quietly.  
"Thank you for the grapes though," I smile at him before putting another grape in my mouth.  
"You're welcome," he says, his eyes wondering around the room.

We just kinda sat there. I ate all the grapes before leaning my head on his shoulder. He smiles at this action. He slide his hand into mine. I blushed and laces our finger together. The door opens and Simon walks in, smirking as he looks at us. I shot him 'I will kill you' look.

"Hey, Phoe, the guys are on the way, we have to get ready." Simon informs.

I sigh and stand up, walking to the mirror. I put my hair up in a high ponytail. I pined back everything that fell forward. I hated and loved my hair at times. I sat back down next to Austin while everyone was getting ready. I reached for my in ear mics. I plugged them in, I rested them on my shoulder. I looked at Austin, who was looking at me.

"I like you," I whispered to him.  
"I like you too," He responds.  
"Tomorrow when we have a day off, we should hang out."  
"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"Alright guys, stage time," our tour manager, Beauagard, informed.

I kissed Austin's cheek and stood up. I put in my ear things. We started to walk to stage. Austin had tagged along and walked with us to the stage. He stayed on the side stage. We started playing. Just having the time of life tonight. I felt like I was on top of the world. I love this way of life. We took a break half way through set. Elijah thought to be funny.

"We are in Phoenix, Phoenix." Elijah kids.  
"HAHAHAHAHA!" I used my sarcastic laugh, "Jokes about my name. I hate you."  
"I love you too, Phoe."  
"I do love all you guys. You four are my best friends."  
"SO! YOU AND AUSTIN!" York speaks up.  
"We are just friends!" I respond quickly.  
"Mhm...." York winks at me.  
"This is our next song..." I start.

We played the rest of our set. I was having an amazing time. I thanked the crowd for coming out and enjoy the rest of the bands. We walked off stage. I hugged Austin and he hugged me right back. I kiss his temple lightly. We laughed childishly as we walked back to the dressing room. I grabbed my phone and I had a message from Alan, that must need a reply.

Alan: YOU LIKE AUSTIN!!!!  
Me: YES, I DO! SO, SHUT UP!

I put my phone in my pocket and walk to Austin. He held out his hand for me to take. I took his hand and we walked out of the dressing room. We walk outside and we see Alan standing a few meters away, smoking with phone out. We walked in the opposite direction. We sat down on the ground. It was nice to have a little time alone. My phone text message went off. I took my phone out to see Alan has texted me again.

Alan: I saw you guys, safety first. Love you :*

I blushed lightly and pressed reply. I knew Austin was looking at my phone.

Me: Alan, we saw you that is we walked the other way. Love you too, ginger princess

Austin let out a laugh. His face turning into a pout when I look at him.

"How come I don't have your number?" He ask, sounding a little jealous.  
"Awh, I can give you my number," I reply, handing him my phone.

He smiles and types in his number. He sent a text message to himself. He also took a selfie and made it his picture. I giggle quietly, kissing his cheek. He took another picture. We took a few pictures together. He's seriously so cute. I put my phone away as Alan yells from the other side.

"DUDE WE HAVE FIVE MINUTES BEFORE WE GO ON!"

Austin mumbles 'Oh Shit.' We both get up and rush him into the dressing room. I went down to my bands dressing room.

"You and Austin disappeared..." Spencer says.  
"Yeah...we did," I reply.

These boys are like my older brothers. They did promise my dad they'd protected me.

"Whatcha guys do?" Elijah nags.  
"We took pictures and sat outside," I look at him.  
"Something is definitely there between you two, like a vibe gets sent out when you two are in the same room," Simon says, using a bit of a hippie voice.  
"Yeah, a vibe man," York says, mocking Simon a bit.  
"Shut up you four," I say looking at the ground.

A bit of silence before Spencer's phone goes off, playing Beyonce. He quickly answers it and we all stifle our laughs. He walked out of the room, giving us the completely flightless bird as he goes. We burst out laughing. Simon's phone goes off, playing Marilyn Manson's version of 'This is Halloween'. He leaves the room before answering it. York, Elijah, and I were just sitting there.

"FUCK, I'M MISSING THEIR SET!" I squeak and get up. I rush out the door and to back stage. I creep up side stage a bit. Austin smiles a bit when he sees me. Aaron is singing some part of 'O.G. Loko' Austin skips over and drags me on stage. I blush slightly and wave to everyone. A screaming part came up. He started and looked in my eyes as he started screaming. This was like making my heart melt, andmyovariesexplode. They finish up the song. I hug Austin, then Phil, then Aaron, then Alan. I carefully climbing over the drums to hug Tino. His hugs were my favorite and you could just go 'TINO HUG!' and he'll hug you. I walked off stage, standing side stage, and listen to the rest of the set. They were so good, as always. I knew every word. I was singing along quietly to myself. The band walked off stage and I grabbed Austin's hand as he walked by. I pulled him to me.

"Hi Gorgeous," he greets me with a smile.  
"You guys killed it, as always," I say while my cheek heat up.  
"Thank you," He notices my blush and his smile grows bigger.  
"Don't say it," I mumble.

He just smiles at me. I smile back at him. We get lost in each other eyes for a while before speaking up.

"I have to ...." We both start. Austin silencing so I can talk first.  
"Get back to the buses," I finish.  
"Yeah, me too," Austin comments.

We walked to our dressing room. I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before continuing down to his dressing room. I saw all the guys looking at me when I walked in.

"No, shut up, nothing happened, we should get on the bus now," I said bluntly.

They all just nodded and got their shit. We walked back to the buses. Fans were walking out of the venue. I waved to the few that saw me. I smiled at them, hoping they saw me.

I got on the bus and kinda slump down on the couch in the front lounge area. I got up to go to the bathroom, getting out my make up remover, removing my plastic stage face, and washed my face. I let my hair, unpinning everything. I took out my phone and sent a quick text to Austin.

Me: Hey Austin. Lanky tall man cuddles  
Austin: Awh, cutie. I'd cuddle you.  
Me: I feel fucking terrible today. I need like tea and salt water.

I got up and laid in my bunk. I took off my shoes, pants, and bra, I looked at my phone as Austin's text message popped up.

Austin: Salt water and tea sounds amazing.  
Me: Tomorrow we should go out and get some tea.  
Austin: That sounds perfect.  
Me: I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to nap I'm awfully tired. Good Tonight Aussie.  
Austin: Alright, good night Phoe. Talk to you tomorrow.

I slipped my phone on to the charger and slide it under my pillow. I closed my eyes, falling asleep slowly to the silence of the bus, the sound of cars going by, the occasional rattle from a bad road.

_______________

Waking up with someone nudging me. I groaned quietly, turning around.

"Phoenix....it's 10am." York says.  
"Are we here?" I ask.  
"Yes, yes we are."  
"I'm still so tired."  
"I know you are."  
"I don't feel good...."  
"I'll make you some toast and tea."  
"I hate getting sick on tour."  
"Especially in the beginning."  
"Yeah..."

He kissed my head and went to make me toast. I'd lied I felt fine. I was just nervous of going on a little date with Austin. York came back with my toast a few minutes later. He put butter on both slices on them, just like I like. I sat up and ate my toast.


	4. Chapter 4

My hair is up in a pony tail. I have on my favorite pair of skinny jeans, baggy shirt, and my black toms. I just threw on foundation. eye liner, and mascara. I was nervous about going out with Austin.. He had sent me a text like 10 minutes ago that he'd be here at ten. We are staying at a hotel cause day off and we were at the next venue already in Utah. I looked at my phone. "9:30" lit up the phone. I grabbed a cigarette and my lighter. I walk outside and lit up my cigarette, one to calm the nerves. I finished the cigarette. I put it out and sighed quietly. Austin came to where I was.

"Hey Phoenix," Austin says.  
"Hey Austin. There is nice little cafe, like down the street," I reply.  
"Awesome...," He said with a slight smile on his face.

We headed toward the cafe. We both kept quiet. It was so awkward. I laughed to break the silence.

"What's so funny?" He questions.  
"Nothing, just a bit of awkwardness..." I replied.  
"You're so adorable," Austin mumbles.

I blushed lightly, looking down at my hands. We had approached the cafe and he held the door open for me. He's such a gentlemen. I walked in and Austin follows me in. I walked up to the counter, ordering my hot tea and looked over at Austin. His eyes were just scanning over the menu. i laughed quietly at the way he looked. He had the tip of his tongue hanging out. It was one of the most cutest thing's I've ever seen. He ruffles his hair back as he order. He takes out his wallet. I shake my head, taking his wallet from him.

"I got this," I mumble as I take out my wallet.  
"No, I wanna pay," He says with a slight pout.  
"We can go halfies," I say, handing him his wallet.  
"Nope," He hand his card to the cashier, "All on my card."

I sighed quietly, watching him pay, not willing to protest. We shuffled over to where they hand out the drink, getting our drinks, and sit down at a table.

"So...,'' I said to start conversation.  
"So, how did you get into the screaming?" He asks.  
"Danny Worsnop," I smile and shrugs my shoulder, "You helped confirmed that I really want to do this."  
"Really? Well, I feel flattered," He chimes in.  
"It took 3 years to perfect...well as perfect as I can get my screaming," I nod, a bit embarrassed. I take a sip of my hot tea.  
"I think it's amazing," He says.  
"Thank you," I reply.  
"You're welcome," He recoils. He takes a sip of whatever of whatever the hell he ordered, I wasn't paying attention.  
A small laugh escapes my lips, "Austin?"  
"Yes ma'am?" He replies with.  
"How's everything going?" I ask.  
"It's going alright. It could be better, but." He answers.

I nod and glance down at my hands. I look up at him, seeing Austin looking at me. I raise an eyebrow, questioning him slightly.

"You are challenging...," He comments.  
"Is that...a good thing?" I ask, slightly offended.  
"Yeah, I like challenging girls," he mumbles.  
"I'm not challenging...I promise," I groan quietly, in annoyance.

He nods and drinks his drink. I drink my drink. We sat there in awkward silence for the rest of our drinks. We tossed our cups away and walked back to the hotel.

"I had fun," I said nodding.  
"Me too," Austin comments.

He headed to the buses. I went up to our floor and got in my hotel room I am sharing with York. I climbed into my bed. I sniffled quietly. York shook my shoulder.

"You alright baby girl?" He asks.  
"Austin said I'm challenging," I answer, looking at the bed sheets.  
"You aren't challenging," he mumbled.  
"Austin...thinks....I am," I sighed.  
"I love you, Phoe. Fuck what Austin thinks of you."  
"I hate him," I sniffles quietly.  
"I'm sure you do," He lays himself next to me, "We can watch whatever movie you want and I'll order Chinese."

I look at him and nods at him. He was my best friend. I sat up to grab the remote. York left the room to ask the rest of the guys if they had restaurant menus. I picked out 'Smiley' because it's my favorite movie. There was a knock on the door, which puzzled me cause York did take a room key. I got up off the bed and walked to the door, opening it to see Alan's face.

"Hey, did your date with Austin go over well?" He asks.  
"Austin said I'm challenging when I'm not," I answered honestly.  
"I don't find you challenging," he comments.  
"Thank you Alan. So why did you come around?" I ask trying to not sound rude.  
"Austin came in our room and yelled 'I fucked it up.' I had to go see what happened," he answers.

I nodded. He nodded and left. I ran back to the bed and face planted onto it. I screams into my pillow out of frustration. I sit up looking at the TV as I pressed play. York came in the room.

"I ordered some food. It'll be here soon," he says, his eyes locking on the screen, "I hate Smiley."  
"Deal with it," I mumbled.

He sighed and sat down next to you. I leant my head on his shoulder. He kissed my head. I smile to myself. 10 minutes into the movie there was a knock on our door. York gets up and answers it. He pays the delivery guy then closes the door. He sits back on the bed. We dug right into the food and watched Smiley. My phone went off and I checked the message.

Austin: You know what's awesome? Sitting on top of tour bus with candles and take out food from somewhere!

I ignored the text and kept watching the movie. I started to fluttered my eyes closed slightly

\----------

I woke up with my head on York's chest, his arms wrapped around me. I glared over at the clock and it read "10:45". It was dark outside so I assumed 10:45 pm. I looked at my phone. 4 text messages from Austin.

Austin: Alright, it's fine. I isn't think you'd come anyways.  
Austin: Nothing like messing up a future relationship  
Austin: Sorry that was suppose to be a tweet  
Austin: Good night Phoenix

I sighed quietly, attached it to the phone charger, and slid my phone under my pillow. I closed my eyes drifting off into a deep slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up lying on my stomach, my eyes flickering around the room. I wince when I glanced at the window. York was sitting on the ground with his laptop on his lap. I roll over on the bed to move closer to where he was.

"Morning Starshine," He mumbles.  
"Morning....," I say with a bit of a raspy voice, aka morning voice.  
"Want to go get breakfast from the hotel or go to the ihop..." He starts.  
"Ihop, oh god, please," I respond.  
"Well, I'm going to tell the rest of the guys," He says as he stands up, setting his laptop on the desk. He left the room.

I climbed out of bed. I grabbed my phone. I went into the bathroom. I blinked at the grossness of my face in the mirror. I went ahead peed and washed my hands. I washed my face after, scrubbing a bit hard. I wanted to shower but I already feel bad for delaying the guys eating. I changed into new clothes. I pulled on one of my jumpers. I looked in the mirror. I nodded and slipped on my jeggings. I slide on my toms. I ruffle my hair. I do a deep sigh. I walked back into the bedroom, seeing York standing there in underwear, that was covered in Spider-Man. I giggled like a little school girl. He quickly pulled up his pants, his face going red. I walked to him, tossing my arms around his waist. He laughed and smiles.

"Don't laugh at my underwear!" York says in a 'don't tell the rest of the guys' voice.  
"It's funny n cute," I tease.  
"You are so mean to me," He mumbles.  
"Only cause I care, Yorky," I reply with a smile.

He ruffles my hair and slips on his toms. He made sure he has his phone and his keys and the hotel keys. We walked out the room, into the hallway. The rest of the guys stumbles out of their rooms. I mumbled their names under my breath quietly. Spencer, Elijah, York, and Simon. Yeah, the four goobers I'm in a band with. I stiffly laugh at the thought that ran through my head. They all turned to me. I stopped and spoke up slightly.

"Morning."  
"Morning Phoenix," Elijah says as he hugs me. I hugged him, God, he has amazing hugs. I finally let go.  
"Morning Phoe," Spencer says. I hug him tightly. He hugs back I squinted at his neck.  
"Did you get a tattoo?" I ask.  
"Yeah, me and Tino went to get one," He replies.  
"Why didn't you take me?" I nag.  
"You were on your date with Austin," He defends. I finally let go off him, pouting slightly. He dropped his arms with a devilish smile on his face.  
"MORNING PHOOOOOENIIIIIX," Simon sings. I laugh as I hug him tightly, he tosses his arms around me, hugging me back just as tight.

We released from our hug. We walk down to the elevator, walking inside. I don't know if I was the only one who saw Austin getting out before we entered. Spencer, wiggled his arms around my waist, holding me protectively. I leaned into his touch slightly. Spencer and I are the closest. We went to high school together and met back up at college, which surprised me. We all have associates degree. Lame, right? I swore to myself if the band breaks up or goes on hiatus, I'd go back to college to finish my education. We walk out the door and head towards the IHOP. I yawn slightly, my eyes watering up a bit. I look down to wipe my eyes and, of course, everyone notices.

"Are you crying Phoenix?" Spencer asks me.  
"No, I just yawned and my eyes i guess teared up."  
"Fine fine."

I just couldn't wait to play and go somewhere else and new and exciting. We finally get to IHOP. The hostest asked how many, we replied with five. We get asked booth or table.

"Table," Simon says.  
"Alright follow me," she says softly as she leads us over to a six person table.

We all sit down and order our drinks which consist of coffee and ice water for the guys and an ice tea for me. The guys chatted about the football game, which York missed out on. It was a steelers, cowboy, and eagles (me) band. The cowboys and eagles game get pretty intense for us. We always make stupid bets, which me 6 out of 10 times I lose. We already established the bet for this game, which is for Elijah to do my make up for stage and pick out my clothes. I'm terrified.

"Phoe...," Spencer questions.  
"Hm?" I hum quietly.  
"Austin...." He answers my hum.  
"He gets one more date," I mumble.  
"I remember in high school you wanted to marry him," He states.

The course of "awh's" that came from the boys that caused me to blush deeply and dart my eyes and my head to look at my hands. They are some of the best and some of the worst people I know. We all get our drinks and order our food. We kinda ate in pure silence, and it was comfortable. We all pitched in for the bill and the tip. We payed and left to go back to the hotel. We went in our rooms. I hopped in the shower right away. The warm water hitting my skin, making me feel completely relaxed. I get out and wrap my towel around me and putting my hair up in a towel. I walk into the bedroom, getting some clothes, walking right back into the bathroom. I dried off my body and slide on my delicates. I sat down on the floor. I got a good look at my legs and my fingers tracing the fresh ones. I bit my lip at the sting. I grabbed my pants and slide them on. I slide on the shirt, a small huff escaping my lips when I realize the shirt is York's. I shrugged my shoulder and hung the towel up. I scrunched the towel off of my head, my long brunette locks fall down. I take my paddle brush and start brushing my hair. My hair is so long. I'm also due for a trim. My hair is also very layered. I sighed quietly. I look down at my hands. York took this opportunity to sneak up behind me, he pokes my side. I squeal laugh and turn around.

"York!"  
"You were hating yourself again.•  
"Like I always do."  
"You always glance down at your hands."  
"I still think I'm the same girl from high school."  
"Because you are 20."  
"Yeah...but..."  
"No buts."

York kisses my forehead and walks back into the bedroom. I put my hair up.

\--———--———

We checked out and piled back into our bus. We drove the ten minutes to the venue. I sigh quietly as I look at my phone for the first time in a while.

Kitty: Smoke with me after the concert. Smoking buddddddy.  
Austin: Alan asked me to text you, to make sure you are okay. So, you okay?

I hit the reply bar in Austin's thread.  
I'm fine, I promise. I'll see you at the venue.

I went into Alan's thread.  
Okay! We'll smoke!

I put my phone in my pocket. I looked out the window and saw the venue.

"Baby, this is paradise," I mumble to myself as we park.

Everyone shuffled off the bus. We loaded gear into the venue. We were a little late. Everyone was there before us. Alan and Austin were talking in the hallway. I walked up behind Austin. Alan saw me and tried to not smile. I got on my tippy toes, covering his eyes.

"Guess who?" I say in my singsong voice.  
"Hm..." Austin contemplated, "Phoenixxx..."  
"Yes." Alan whispers.

I uncovered his eyes and he turned around, tossing his lanky arms around me in a lovely embraced. I returned the embrace. I was smiling, like actually fucking smiling. I felt little things flutter in my stomach. I ignores those. We pulled away and looked at each other.

"Austin...can I..."I started.  
"Phoenix, we have sound check," York interrupt.  
"Can we talk after we go sound check?" I ask Austin.  
"Yeah." He replies with a crooked smile.

I lean up, kissing his cheek. He smiles widely. York and I walked off to the stage. We got on the stage. I took the microphone.

"What song do you wanna do?" Elijah asks.  
"I'm fine with whatever," I reply  
"Alright," Elijah says as he starts playing.

We ended up covering Asking's song "A Prophecy" I think I did good. We all cheered afterwards. We left the stage. We got into our dressing room. The guys pulled out their laptops. I took my phone out. I looked at my messages. Austin had texted me once.

Austin: Still wanna talk?

Oh shit, I totally forgot. I stood up and slipped out silently. I walked up their dressing room and knocked on the door. The door open to a familiar ginger face.

"Hey Alan."  
"Hey Phoenix, what's up?"  
"I came to steal Austin, for a while."  
"Okay...I'll get him."

Alan disappears into the abyss of the OMAM dressing room. Next thing I know I see Austin standing in the door way.

"Hey, so where do you wanna talk?" Austin asks.

I took his hand and our fingers intertwined together. My cheeks blushed at the feeling I got from this simple touch. I started walking and Austin was a bit behind me. I got out behind the building. I stop walking and Austin looks at me.

"Well?" He asks.  
"Austin....I," clearing my throat to buy myself time, "was wondering if you wanted to like go get some food later."  
"Yeah, of course!" Austin replies.  
"Awesome." I reply full of confidence.

I lean up and pulled Austin down a little to kiss his cheek then walked off back into the venue. He followed behind me and walked to the stage. To do sound check I assume. I went into the dressing room. Simon and Elijah where chatting away. Spencer and York chatting with the Tonight Alive dudes. Jenna was sitting there making eyes at Elijah, I could tell. I sat down next to her.

"Hey Jens," I use my singsong voice.  
"Hey Phoenix," she replies, her eyes looking at me then adjusting back on to Elijah.  
"Go talk to him," I encourage.  
"What do you mean?" She asks.  
"You've taken a fancy to him..."I muse.  
"Yeah, but, I don't know," Jenna stalls.  
"Awwwh, you are so nervous!"  
"Shush up American."

I laugh as she walks up to them and greets them. They hug. I turn my attention away, I'm a great match maker. I got a text from Alan.

Austin and you have a daaaaaate. Awwwwwh! Date number two. After the third date it's okay for you two to bang, you know that? Get drunk that date and have drunk sex.

I laugh at it. I was some what aware of that rule. It was really dumb and I never usually get to a third date, hell even a second date so. I always leave cause tour or cause I'm realllllly fuckin' picky.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit short and not actually done but I'm like 100% stumped and felt bad for not posting something

We got called to stage and I ran out there and started singing right away. There were good energies and good vibes all around.

"Salt Lake, you probably the most energetic crowd tonight, I fucking love it," I say into the microphone, following shortly after my statement there were really loud cheers.

I laughed and the guys started the last song. It was the same ending routine. Thanking the crowd, telling them to enjoy the other bands. We walked off the stage. I was kinda outta breath today. I felt weak. I went into the dressing room, grabbing a water bottle, I took some sips. I was having an anxiety attack. I've only had one before, so I know what happens to me. I don't know the cause of this attack. I'd admit I didn't take my medicine tonight.

"York! Spencer!" I cry out, tear pouring.  
"PHOENIX!" The guys yell.

They run over to me, knowing what's wrong. York hugs me tightly. Spencer runs off to get my medicine.

"Babes, you have to take your medicine," York hums in my ear quietly.

I was a whimpering mess. Spencer hands me a pill and open water bottle. I tosses the pill in my mouth and drank the water, all of it. Swallowing the pill down. It would take a while for me to feel better. I headed outside for some fresh air. Spencer nor York left my side. We all sat on the cold ground. I had Spencer's hand in one and York's hand in the other. I was starting to feel calmer as the time pass. I had fallen asleep after calming down and ate a little something. I woke up but I stayed in my bunk. I saw a hand grab my bunk curtain and slowly open it. Kitten's (Alan) face was on the other side.

"Wanna go out for a smoke?" He asks happily.  
"Aren't we moving?"  
"Yes, but we are stopping at pit stop in a bit. I was talking with York and I heard what happen..." He says the last part quietly.

I scoot over in my bunk and Alan crawls in next to me. I rest my head on his chest. He put his arms around me.

"Austin would be so jealous, if he saw this." Alan says with a little chuckle.  
"Yeah, he would. He can't know about my emotional dysfunction," I answer back.  
"Emotional dysfunction eh?" Alan asks.  
"Yeah....that's what we call it on this bus."  
"Oh...."  
"Yeah, now shush."

He laughed and I kinda closed my eyes.  
________________________

I wake up and find myself cuddling a ginger. I get up and rub my eyes. I squint at him. That was probably the best sleep ever, to be honest. I got out of my bunk, I walked to bathroom, knocking.

"Oc-occupied...." Elijah says.

I groaned. I walked into the front lounge. Spencer was looking at me.

"Morning pills..." He says holding the bottle.

I nodded in obedience, walking to him, taking the bottle, getting a small pill. I placed it on my tongue and picked up his coffee, stealing a sip. Elijah had left the bathroom in that amount of time. I ran in, taking a wee, doing the rest of my morning routine. I got out and saw Alan standing there outside the door. He walked in. I walked to Spencer and Elijah.

"Whoa! You and Kitten?!" Elijah asks/demands.  
"What? NO! We just cuddled last night and fell asleep..." I reply.  
"I think he likes you...." Spencer says.  
"He doesn't...." I mumble.  
"Heeee dooooooes." Spencer and Elijah sing.

I groan and gave up, looking out the window.

"What's the answer to the question?" Elijah asks.  
"No," I answer bluntly.  
"Good...." He mumbles.

Alan walks out and walks to me, sitting down next to me.

"The guys are probably worried about me," Alan mumbles quietly.  
"I'll text Phil that you are here," I comment.

I get up, walking to my phone and receiving my phone. It started ringing with Phil's face on the screen. What a mind reader. I hit answer.

"Hello?"  
"Hey Phoenix, is Alan there?"  
"Yeah...he fell asleep last night while we were watching a movie."

I heard Phil's voice quietly saying, "He's on Kiss of Deaths bus."

He spoke back in the phone. "Did you two..."  
I cut him off, "NO!"  
"Alright return him when we get to the venue..."  
"Will do Philly."  
"Alright bye lovely."  
"Bye..."

I walk back to the front langue and sat down next to Alan.

"We get to return you when we get to the venue."


	7. Chapter 7

We get to the venue. Alan gets on his bus. I stayed in my bunk, just playing on my laptop.

“PHOENIX!” Spencer yelled.  
“What?” I yelled back at him.  
“Do you want to go to the cheesecake factory with us?” He asks.  
“Yes….Of course! CHEESECAKE!” I replied loudly.

The guys and crew laughed. We walk to the cheesecake factory by the venue. We got a long ass table for us. We are very nice together in a restaurant. We are horrible however left alone in our tour bus. We ordered our drinks and food. After time passes our waitress gives us our drinks. I love spending quality time with the crew and the band. They are also dudes, and lady. Our merch person is a lady. She's super awesome. We are sitting together and gossiping about the rest of the of the bands. Our waitress gives everyone our food and we eat. We finish our food and make our way to the venue. There was a few fans standing in line.

"Awh, man, I remember doing that," I say to Elijah.  
"You still do that. Remember when Blink came?" He comments.  
"Oh, yeah, right," I say.

We get the venue and did our sound check right away. We went back to our dressing room. I started to put my hair up and changed into my stage clothes. I also put my hair up. I need to redye my hair. I am thinking blonde with like blue or purple tips. I am not quite sure yet. I looked up in the mirror and saw a man standing behind me with the cutest grin on his face.

"Hey Phoenix..." Austin says.  
"Hi Austin," I say as I look at him.  
"So, ummmm, I was wondering if you wanted to go out to the bar with me after the show?" He asks as he leans against the counter, locking his eyes on mine.  
"I'm only 20..." I mumble.  
"Then we could go to a restaurant..." He muses.  
"Yeah, that sounds lovely," I answer.  
"Cool," He mumbles and kisses the top of my head.

I smile at him, the glanced down at my hands. I thought about the text ALan sent me. I scrunched my nose, hoping that Austin wouldn't try to have sex with me. I didn't want it. I have self respect for myself, somehow. We got called to the stage, our intro music started playing, which was the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. We walked out to the stage.

"HELLO!" I say into the microphone, cheers filled the room. I smiled wide and we started playing.

We played a few songs beforing we stopped for a breather. Alan walked out and waved to everyone. He walked up to me, blowing out his smoke.  
"Hi Kitty," I state into the microphone.  
"Hello," Alan says.  
"What the fuck do you want?"  
"Austin wanted to know if you ike seafood.."  
"I don't...I hate seafood."  
"Okay...Well see you later"

He took a drag of his cigarette, offering me a drag, which i took one then handed it back to him. He walked off. I blew out the smoke and we started playing our last song. I looked around, seeing Elijah getting his acoustic.  
"We're going soft for this last song." I annouce.

The other guys had fled the stage. Elijah started playing "When You Can't Sleep At Night" I sang the words. My breathe going shakey and my eyes welding up half way through the song. After the song finished i thanked the crowd and we walked off. Austin was standing there. I walked into his arms and we hugged. I let the tears that were there escaped, damping Austin's shirt. I look up at him. He looked down at me. He started to lean forward. I chickened out and got out of his arms. He sighed and I walked away to the dressing room. Once I was in the dressing room, I grabbed my cigarettes and my lighter. I walked out and walked outside. I lit up my cigarette, taking a long first drag. I blew out my smoke. I look down at the ground as I smoke. Someone came outside but I didn't bother looking up. The person walked in front of me, I knew who those shoes belong to. It was Austin. I looked up at him, bowing out smoke.

"I'm sorry, for earlier," He apologized.  
"It's fine, really. We still on for dinner?" I asked him.  
"Of course," He said with a smile on his face.

I laughed quietly as I put out my cigarette. I slid my hand into his and we walked back inside and we dropped me off at my dressing room. I walked in, closing the door slowly. I changed into normal clothes, which is a pair of skinnies, a large jumper, and my toms. I put my hair down, glaring at it. I hate my hair. I have to deal with it though. I get up and walk to the couch, where Elijah was sitting. I kinda laid down, leaving my legs on his lap.

"Why?" He questions.  
"Why not?" I answer.

He shakes his head with a laugh. I smile at him as my eyes close slowly.


	8. Chapter 8

"Phoenix...." I get shaked, "Phoooooooenix." The same voice calls again.  
"Uuuuuuuu." I reply.  
"We have dinner," the voice speaks.

I open my eyes to see Austin crotched down nexxt to me, with a big goofy grin on his face. I sit up slowly, looking over him. He looked nice. He stood up. I got up slowly, going to mirror, fixing my make up then I walked to Austin. I nodded to let him know I was ready to go. I also offered my hand out to him, which he took. I grabbed my phone and wallet, then we left. We kind of walked to the nearest, nice restaurant in comfortable silence, but I had to break it.

"Did you forget your lines?" I whisper just loud enough for him to hear.  
He laughs a bit quietly, "I might have."  
"I have terrible memory, but remembering lyrics is easy for me," I state.  
"I've got a pretty good memory, so.." He responds.

We get there, which ends up being a Crocker Barrell. I am excited, it's my favorite place to eat food. We get a table and sit down, ordering our drinks. I can't keep my eyes off of Austin. His eyes are looking around the building. I laugh quietly, which causes him to look at me.

"What's so funny missy?" He asks.  
"You are just so cute," I answer.  
"I'm cute?" He kind of questions.  
"Yes...I mean you've always been cute.." I say.  
"I think it was awesome that you Elijah covered When You Can't Sleep At Night," He says.  
"It's an awesome song. Shayley did an awesome job with the song," I state.  
"It really is," He muses.

The waiter comes back with our drinks and we order our food. I add sugar to my tea, stirring it with my straw.

"Why do you like tea so much?" He asks.  
"It's so good, espeically if it comes from restaurants. I just started drinking tea during my homeschooled year. It started with hot tea and here I am," I reply.  
"Amazing," He says.  
"So...." I say.  
"I like your job," He says, "I'm trying to convince the guys that we should cover one of your songs."  
"That's adorable," I state with a small smile, "I love covering your songs, especially Let Live...That one meanns something to me."  
"Really? That's good, I guess," Austin muses.  
"I like covering To The Stage by asking Alexandria though. It's like my favorite," I ramble, "sorry for rambling."  
"It's alright, I like a girl that can talk, but know when she nedes to be quiet," he states with an almost smirk on his cute little face of his.

Our food was given to us and we started to eat. No talking during the eating process. After we finished eating, we were both full. We get the check and go up to the front desk to pay.

"Let me pay for my food," I whine slightly.  
"No, I got it.." He says.  
"No...cause then this will count as date number three..." I respond with.  
"So?" He questions.  
"Alan said ..." I started, "After the third it would be okay to..." I gave him a look to know what I was talking about.  
"Alan said that? Well I wouldn't do that with someone unless, I was actually dating them..." He says.

I just nod as he pays. He took my hand after he finsihed paying and we started walking back to the buses. We get there and stand outside my bus.

"Okay, good night," He says.  
"Good Night Austin," I look up at him.  
"Can I kiss you good night?" He asks, his voice sounds nervous.  
"Yes...." I say.

He smiled wide. His hand removes itself from mine as it cups my face. He runs his thumb over my jaw as he brought down his head. Our lips connected ina swee tender embrace. His lips were soft and sweet tasting. My hands wrapped around his neck, my lips staying on his. His hands going to my waist. He pulled me a bit close to him. We finally pulled away when oxygen became nessisary. I flushed a deep crimson. I looked at him. He was smiling wide.

"That was awesome," Austin comments.  
"That it was...now, good night," I say and open the door of my bus.  
"Good night," He says.

He starts to head back his bus. I walk up the steps and into the front lounge where EVERYONE seemed to be. I can tell by thier faces that they all saw it. I flushed deeper.

"FINALLY!" Simon says.  
"YEAH!" York says in agreement.  
"WOOOOOOOOOO" Elijah says.  
"Good night," I state.  
"Damn, Austin gets a nicer good night than us," Spencer says.  
"I hate y'all." I mutter as I go to bunk.

I lay down in my bunk and fell into a nice slumber

~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~  
I wake up. It was 5 am. I cursed slightly as I go to the bathroom, taking a quick piss. I walk into the front lounge. I sit down on the bench that is connected to our small table. I watch the scenery, well that I can see, go by. I despice waking up before everyone else. It really sucks. No one is up to talk to. I go back to my bunk and get my phone then go back to the fornt lounge back into my spot Iy was previouslly in. I got on twitter and sent out a tweet.

That moment when you wake up too damn early for the fact I didn't go to bed till 11pm  
I sent out another one.  
Had a really good good night kiss though

I got a few replies from some fans. I decided to send out another one.

Any good Cashby fics? Someone fuel my little fan girl heart?

I got a bunch of replies with links. I favorited all the replies with links. I looked at the time, 5:30am. A text message lit up my phone. Austin's name was at the top.

I had a great time last night. It was nice. We should do that again, and the kissing thing again...  
I could sense his nervousness at the end there. I hit reply.

We should totally do that again...and the kissing thing. It was really nice.

I hit send and went to my pictures. I looked over those pictures we took that one night and my face lit up. The bus stopped. I looked at our driver.

"I just need to get gas," Ado, our driver, says to me.  
"Alright Ado," I say with a small smile.

Ado get off the bus. I walk outside, seeing the OMAM bus at the pump next to us. I send Austin a quick text.

Come over to my bus please? I hit send and got an reply back.  
Okay...

He came outside and I smiled at him. He walked to me, taking my hand once he got to me.

"Let's get on your bus..." He muses.  
"Okay," I say with a smile.

Austin was in zip up jacket, which was left about half way down exposing his tattooed chest, slippers, and basketball shorts. We walk onto my bus and we sat down, where I was before coming outside.

"Ado stopped to get gas," I say quietly.  
"Yoda needed some food and a gas," Austin says.  
"Yoda?" I asked.  
"Our driver." Aussie answered.  
"Oh...Right. I knew that," I say with a small smile.

Austin leans in a bit, meeting him half way as our lips connnects. His arms wrapping around my waist. My arms going around his neck. We kept the kiss sweet and slow. Austin's tongue trails across my bottom lip, begging for enterance. I kepy my lips closed and felt his lips turn into a small pout. I giggle quietly as I pull away slowly. I look at him as my eyes flutter open, his doing the same. We just kind of stared into each others' eyes. I wanted Austin, like really wanted him. I couldn't tell if he felt the same way. I studied his face. He yawned quietly, keeping his eyes on me.

"Same," I commented.  
"I just want cuddles...," He yawns out.  
"Go cuddle Alan then," I say with a bit of a straight face.  
"Nah, I'm good," He replies.

~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~ ~_~  
We somehow ended up in my bunk. I was snuggles into his chest. I wake up carefully, looking at the time. It was 9am. Slept a nice 3 hours probably. I climbed out of my bunk and walked to the front longue. York was the only up. He was Skype with his lady friend. I could tell he was because he has a big smile on his face.

"Hey Phoe," York says.  
"Hi Yorky," I mumble as I get some food.  
"I'll talk to you later?" He says to his laptop.  
"Yes baby. I love you," Chelle says.  
"I love you too," He replies.

She presses the hang up button. York is still smiling as he closes his laptop. He looked over at me.

"So, Austin?" He asks, having no idea Austin is in my bunk and could probably hear this.  
"What about him?" I say finally just giving up and getting cereal bar.  
"Are you two a thing or?" He asks.  
"I just don't know. There is a part of me who just wants to be with him, another part where I just want him balls deep in my mouth and another part where I just don't want him...at all," I answer honestly, regretting a few of my words.  
"Which part is bigger?" He questions.  
"The not wanting him at all," I answer.  
"He's one of your heroes so you will always want him," York comments.  
"True....but, I don't think I could do the whole dating him," I say.  
"Then the balls deep is the best option..." York stammers out.  
"Austin is too...lovely for that," I comment.  
"Then go be with him. Stop being complicated and just be with him," York harshly says.  
"I'M NOT....." I got cut off.

"Is the bathroom this door?" Austin asks.  
"Yeah, it is..." I answer.  
"Thanks," He says tiredly as he rushes into the bathroom.

"...being complicated..." I finish.  
"Did you two..?" York starts.  
"NO!" I say.  
"Alright..." York says with a studdle nod.

Austin comes out of the bathroom. I'm a bit mortifyed. I eat my ceraal bar. Austin sits down on the couch. I watched him carefully.

"Do you want to grab coffee once we get t the venue?" Austin asks me.  
"Yeah sure," I say with a small smile.

Austin just smiles and the bus finally parked.

"Here we are," Ado announces.  
"Woooooo!" York and I replied.

Austin and I got off the bus and looked for the nearest coffee shop. We got to a coffee shop and got coffee. Each of us paid for our own coffee. We sat down, Austin clearing his throat.

"I heard what you said on the bus," He says.  
"I said a lot of shit..." I commented.  
"I heard from York asking if we were a thing..." He answers.  
I flushed deeply, "Yeah, I mean...."  
"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He asks.  
"How cliché of you...Yes..." I answer.  
"Really?" He says with a smile.  
"Yes," I say again.

He smiled wide like a little kid. I rolled my eyes slightly. We finished our coffee, then left the shop. He took my hand on the walk home. We get to the venue, kids were lining up. I had quickly jutted my hand out of Ausin's hold. My eyes wondered to him, he was giving me a confused look. Oncce we were inside, I slide my hand back into him.

"Sorry...I just want to keep this on the down load for a while. I don't think the fans can handle it," I mused.  
"It's fine. I understand," He responds.  
"I just....am scared, that's all," I mumble.  
"You don't need to be scared. I will treat you like a queen,:" He starts.

I cut him off by kissing him lightly. He kissed me back. We finally found my dressing room. We shared a quick kiss before I opened the door.

"See you later, Aussie," I mumble.  
"See you, butterfly," He says as he walks to his dressing room.

I finally slide into the dressing room to be greeted with York pulling me out.  
"We have an interview," York starts.

We go into a green room. We all sat down as Bryan Stars walks in. I bite my lip, rrying to hold down my squeal.

"Hi, I'm Bryan," He introduces himself.  
"Hi Bryan..." We all say back in sync.

He got everything set up.

"I'm here with Kiss of Death on Kissing the Reaper tour. Can i have you guys personally introduce yourself and what your role is in the band?" Bryan says, passing the mic to Simon.  
"I'm Simon and I play drums," Simon states as he hands the mic to Spencer.  
"I'm Spencer, I do the six string," Spencer says, handing the mic to me.  
"I'm Phoenix and I do the loud aggreessive vocal duties," I reached across Bryan to hand it to York.  
"I'm York and I play the four string," York says and hands it to Elijah.  
"I'm Elijah. I play the normal vocals and the guitarito," Elijah says with his suave voice. We handed it back to Bryan.

He asked all the normal questions and some this and that. We talked about touring with other bands and our current touring family.

"So, Phoenix. There has been lots of talk about you and Austin from Of Mice and Men..." He says.  
"Why can't people just hang out anymore? Austin and I just are friends," I defended.

He nodded and moved on from the subject. We answered some more weird questions.

"Bryan, I'd like to apologize. I felt like my answer about Austin was rude and I felt like I snapped at you," I apologized.

Bryan nods with a smile. We finished the interview. Bryan went off to interview Tonight Alive. I went outside with my cigarettes. I saw Alan out here too.

"Hey Kitty," I say.  
"Hi Birdy. I heard you and Austin got together," He says.  
"Yeah..." I say with a small smile.

Alan and I smoke our cigarettes, then went back inside. Austin was standing by the door. I look at him and smiled.

"I'll freshen up, then we can share a quick kiss before I have to get on stage." I say to him.  
"Yeah, babe, go ahead," Austin says.

I get to the dressing room, going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and using mouth wash. I walk out of the bathroom, leaning against the door frame, seeing the boys talk. I laugh quietly and step out into the hall. Austin was there and I leaned up. Our lips meet up for nice kiss. I giggle against his lips. His arms swung around my waist. I tossed my arms around his neck. We kept the kiss sweet and slow. He finaly pulled away when air became nessicary. I smiled at him. We walked to the stage together. Bryan was filming but i really didn't care. Our intro music was being played. I gave Austin a quick smooch before running onto stage with the rest of the guys. I finally felt complete with life. I have an awesome job, a cute boyfriend, and a perfect family. My band mates are like my brothers. I'll treat them like my brothers. We stopped playing for a quick break.

"I'll be right back," I say loudly into the mic. York and Spencer looked at me.

I ran back to the dressing room, opening my pill bottle, taking a sip of water as i toss one into my mouth. I walk back to the stage. Spencer and York were bickering.

"You know she was my best friend first!" Spencer said into my mic.  
"I'm here best friend...She always pick me to share a hotel room with," York says.  
I walk up to the mic, "Neither of you are my best friends,....You guys are like my older brothers, always there when I need you guys. Elijah and Simon are like my brothers as well. I love y'all. You are the fucking people I want to be burried with..." I say into the mic, "Family first."

The whole crowd awh'd and the guys just smiled. They started playing again and I sang. We finished up our set. "ENJOY MY FAVORITE AUSTAILIANS AND OF MERCE AND MERN" slipped from my lips. We walked off stage. We got back to the dressing room. I was happy the venue had a shower. I announced that I was going to go shower. I showered and then slid into sweats and oversize sweater. I kept my hair up in a towel. I went back to the dressing room, yawning quietly, looking in the mirror, biting my lip softly at my horrid face. I looked naked. I was going to go lie down on the bus in a few minutes. I shook the towel off. My phone buzzed and my eyes wondered to it. It was a text from Simon.

We went to go get food and a few drinks. See you in an hour or two

I nodded. I was alone...time to listen to music loudly and read cashby fiction. I turned my phone up loud, playing Blink-182, getting my laptop, clinking on one of the links I favorited this morning. I read for a few hours because Austin came in covered in sweat. I quickly closed my laptop and paused my music. I made my way to Austin.

"Hey cutie," I say.  
"Hey doll. Do you want to go get some food?" Austin asks.  
"Nah.....I'm fine...I just need a kiss then I'll grab my shit and go to the bus," I answer.  
"Okay love," He says and kisses my lips softly.

I kiss him back in the same way. We pulled away after a bit. I smiled and started getting my stuff together. He takes my bag from me, and takes my hand. We walk out to the buses. Once we get to my bus, our lips connected again, in a little bit more rougher kiss. We pulled away sooner.

"Good Night Phoenix," He says handing me my bag.  
"Good night Aussie," I say.

I take my bag and get on the bus. I put down my bag on the couch and get into my bunk. Geez, I felt tired. I closed my eyes, falling asleep slowly. This has been the best day.


	9. Chapter 9

I wake up, my hand searching for my phone. I squint as I click the home button and the screen lights up. It's 7 am. I crawl out of my bunk and walked to the front lounge. I started water for my tea then I ran to the bathroom, doing my business. I go back to the front lounge.

"I want to go home," I mumble.  
"Me too. I miss my puppy," Simon says.  
I jump a bit, not noticing him before, "I miss my cat and my bed."  
"We have like a month left. Yeah, it'll be painful but," He starts.  
"I'm always like this toward the end of tours though, just waiting for them to end. I rather be touring instead of being home but I miss home really bad this time around," I say as I sit down next to him.  
"Yeah, I totally understand. I feel the same way Phoe. You get to go home to your beautiful ranch in Pennsylvania," He says, "I'm stuck in a shitty apartment in LA."  
"I told you you can move in with me whenever you want," I reply.  
"I know, but...I love LA," He says.  
"I know you do," I say as I smile at him.  
"I love you," He mumbles.  
"I love you too," I mumble back.

I got up and made my tea. I took small sips as I go to my bunk, grabbing my phone, walk back to the front lounge, and sit down back down next to Simon. I look at my phone. I opened twitter as I drink my tea.

Morning Tea. Missing home quite a bit.  
I bit my lip I type another one.  
I miss my cat. I miss my bed. I miss my privateness as I dance around to music.

I locked my phone and drank my tea. My phone buzzed and it was a text from Austin.

Morning Star Shine. The earth says Hello  
I laugh before hitting reply.  
Whenever we get to the venue. I'm cuddling the shit out of you.

I look out the window, all the passing trees and endless flat lands. I watch everything pass, closing my eyes slowly.  
_________________  
Waking up in my bunk....this isn't where I fell asleep. I rub my eyes and get out of my bunk. I walked to front lounge. Everyone was dressed and talking. I was still in my pajamas. I go back to my bunk, grabbing my clothes, changing, then walks to the front lounge. I sit down on the floor by the couches. All their eyes glued to me.

"Morning," I say quietly.  
"We are like 5 minutes away," Elijah says.  
"You fell asleep looking out the window," Simon states.  
"Damn..." I say.  
The guys laughs and I just laugh with them. We all feel the bus stop moving and we cheered! York stood up and we all went quite.

"Wh have to be set up and ready to play by 8pm...okay?" York says clearly.  
"Yes father," The other guys and I say back to him.

He just shook his head and laughed. He was a good man. We all got off the bus and just started loading the gear right away. We basically had the whole day. I get to spend it all with my boyfriend. I smiles at the fact he was my boyfriend. I was loading in all the guitars by myself which is one if the heaviest things that we push in and out of venues so. Spencer came and helped me like the last few feet.

"Thanks Spencer," I say to him sarcastically.  
"You're welcome," He says back in the same tone I used.

I shook my head and laughed a little. I went outside to grab my suitcase from the bus. Another venue with a shower! I see the Of Mice and Men pulled up. I squeaked quietly as all the guys get off. Austin looks over in my direction and a smile appears on his lips. He says bye to the group as he makes his way to me. I pick up my suitcase.

"Hello," I say with a smile.  
"Hi cutie pie," He says as he kisses my cheek.  
"I need to go shopping today, come with?" I ask him a bit hopefully.  
"Sure," he answers taking my suitcase from me.

I took his free hand and laced our fingers together. We walk into the venue. He walks me to the dressing room and let's go of my hand and opens the door as he smiles at me. I walk in taking the suitcase from him. The guys were in there talking and when I put my suitcase down, they went silent.

"I'm going shopping. Do any of you guys need anything?" I ask the guys.  
"Deodorant, Axe. Snacks. And I could use some new shoes," Elijah says.  
"Deodorant," the other guys say.

I nod and smile wide. I take my bag and take Austin's hand. Austin and I walked to the closest store. We just kinda walked around, holding hand. I got a cart.

"You are so beautiful," Austin says as he squeezes my hand.  
I blush a crimson as I look down, "Austin..."

We stopped in the middle of the aisle and he pulled me closer Our lips connected, my head spinning a bit, sweet embrace. It was amazing. He took my other hand, I intertwined our fingers together. His lips curled up into a smile, My lips did the same, I parted our lips, his forehead resting on mine. I look down at our hands, my cheek were a deep red. I felt so flustered. He let out a soft chuckle at the sight of the state I am in. I let go of one of his hands and starts to drag him to the health and beauty part of the store. I stopped in front of the hair dye.

"I think you should stay brunette," he mumbles.  
"But black..." I say, "except id do a bright red streak."  
"You still in your rebellious stage or?" He asks a bit harshly.  
"No! I just.." I shake my head just giving up, "I'll just wait till I go back to Pennsylvania..."  
"Pennsylvania?" He questions.  
"That's where I live off tour and recording. I live in a big ranch home with my cat...," I answer.  
"Maybe...I could visit you. But I really want to go to home first," He muses.  
"Yeah, that would be nice," I say.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and Austin's phone made a little sound. I looked at it and saw a tweet from Alan mentioning me and Austin.

Found out @AustinCarlile and @PhoeEllaDeath went shopping w/out me! Pick me up a cat toy and underwear.

I just laughed loudly and put my phone back into my pocket. Austin was laughing but doing that cute thing where he would cover his mouth when he laughs.

"You know what size Kitty wears?" I ask him.  
"No," Austin says.

I took his phone and pressed the reply button.

@AlanAshby Hey boo, what size do you wear?

I hand it back to him. He just shakes his head and let out a small laugh as I go to where the deodorant lives. I get two two packs, and spray able deodorant. I put deodorant for myself in the cart along with the other cart. Austin and i walked to the men's underwear section. Austin takes out his phone seeing a tweet from Alan.

@AlanAshby: @AustinCarlile Medium.

Austin gets a few packs of medium boxer briefs. Austin pushed the cart and I followed him to the snack food. I put all the snacks we ate into the cart. Candy, chips, and applesauce. We walked to the produce and I got some fruit. I figured the boys could use some type of nutrition. Austin and I walk around. I found myself down the toy aisle, looking at the StarWars stuff. I slide the light up light saber in the cart.

"I need it...you don't understand," I whisper.  
He just shook his head, "Stage prop?"  
"Sure...well now it is," I answer.  
"You're cute," He mumbles as he pulls me close to him.  
"Oh am I?" I ask.  
"Mhm," He says as he presses his lips to mine. I press my lips back against his. One of his hands end up cupping my cheek. We stood there, kissing in the toy aisle. It was perfect, to me at least. He pulled away when oxygen became a factor. I look at him with a big smile. He was panting slightly.

"Breath," I mumble.  
"I am...," He answers.

We walked to check out. The kid scans out items, putting them in the cart, and gave us our total. I used my card to pay. Austin had loaded up the cart with the bags. We walk outside, grabbing all the bags from the cart and walk back to the tour buses. I look over at him. He was smiling happily. It was strange knowing I had that affect on him. We get to the bus, I put all the bags in the front lounge. Austin and I walked back to the inside of the venue, hand in hand. I had Alan's boxer briefs in my free hand. We walked to the Of Mice dressing room.

"Kitty!," I said a bit loudly.  
"Birdy!," Alan says back.

I walk to him and gave him a quick hug. After the hug I handed him his packs of boxer briefs.

"Here you go kitty," I say as I hand them over.  
"Thank you Phoenix," he looks over my shoulder, "THANKS AUSSIE."  
"YOURE WELCOME GINGER PRINCESS," Austin screams back from where he was placed next to Tino on the other side of the room.  
"I'm going to go back and check on my brothers," I say.  
"Alright, have fun with that," Alan replies.

We hug again and I walked to Austin.

"See you later," I say.  
"Will do," Austin says.

He presses his lips to mine for a quick soft kiss. I returned the kiss before pulling away.

"Byyyye Tino," I sang.  
"Bye Phoenix," He says.

I walk out of the dressing room and down to my dressing room. I walk in, all the guys were still chatting.

"Phoenix!!!!" Spencer cheers.  
"Phoooooe," York says.  
Simon's voice drops, "Take your medicine."  
"Alright, shit, yeah," I say as I walk to my suitcase.  
"Phhhoeniiiix," York sings.

I laugh as I find my medicine, taking out my dosage. I grab the Arizona tea that just so happen to be in there. I opened it up and drank some, tossing the pill in my mouth swallowing it down. I sit in a chair more off in the corner and drank my tea, humming to myself.

*_on stage_*

"This next song is very close to my heart. I wrote it as a strangling teen. I hope you guys enjoy," I say into the microphone as the guys started playing 'Give The Truth A Little Twist (I'm Fine.)' That was our last song. After the song ended I thanked the crowd as usual and walked off stage. I felt exhausted. I walked to the dressing room.

"I've got dibs on the shower," I say as I walk into the bathroom with my suitcase.

*_after shower_*  
I was in my Golden Hearts Shine Forever jumper and my pajama pants, I had my toms on cause I went straight back to the bus. I sat myself in the back lounge. I had my applesauce in my lap. My spoon was in my hand. I ate a bunch of applesauce. I just wasn't feeling good at all. I put my applesauce away and crawled in my bunk. I laid down and drifted asleep slowly.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writer Block. I'm stressed with school. I have a maybe on a dye with the guy I like. I've been busy with the school musical too. But I hope you enjoy.  
> Tweet me: @TeaBights

My leg shakes, my heart beating wildly, my breathing heavily, my arms wrap my around my body. Tears ran down my cheek. I couldn't breathe. Panic attack. I felt like the world was going to end and I was going to die. I took my medicine but it isn't working. I left the stage half way through the set. I was alone. Austin was filling in for me. Our tour manager was talking to me, keeping me calm. He gave me my adavan. I took a half dose. I kept crying and shaking. The set should have ended by now. A few minutes later the band comes in and so does Austin. I quickly run to York and wrap my arms around him tightly, I was still shaking like a dog. He just rubbed my back.

"I-I'm sorry," I muttered.  
"Don't be sorry," York says as he rubs my back still.  
"I...my medicine...," I start.  
"Don't worry," York mutters.

I let go of York and hug the rest of the band then Austin. Austin holds me close to him. I inhale his scent and it calms me slightly. I pulled back and wipes my eyes. Austin kept his arms around me. He kisses the top of my head. I look up at him.

"I love you," he says quietly.  
"I love --" I start.

The door opens, a weak smell of cigarettes appeared as a ginger made his way to me.

"Birdy, are you okay?" Alan asks.  
"I'm fine Kitty, thanks," I reply.  
"Alright, I just heard you had a panic attack," Alan says.  
"I'm better," I say.

We quickly hug and Alan placed a small kiss on my cheek. His breath was cigarette and alcohol. He went back to his dressing room I suppose. I look at Austin.

"I love you too," I say quietly.

Austin just smiles and starts to lean down to kiss me, before we get interrupted again.

"Phoenix," York says.

I take a step back from Austin who just straighten himself out

"Yes York?" I ask.  
"Call Dr Brown, now!" York says a bit forcefully.  
"Okay, okay," I say.

I grab my cigarettes and my phone. I motion for Austin to follow me. We walk slowly to the back door. I already had a cigarette hanging out. I lit it up as soon as we get outside, I blow out the smoke.

"Now we can kiss," I say.  
"Finally," Austin says back.

He leans down and I lean up. Our lips meeting in the same way but a whole new meaning got added to the kiss. We moved our lips together slowly. I pulled away slowly. Austin just smile as I do. I take a drag from my cigarette as I scroll in my contacts for my doctor. I hit her name and placed the phone to my ear. I blow out the smoke as I got her voicemail.

"Hi, this is Phoenix Ella. I had a panic attack on stage tonight. I need to schedule an appointment ASAP. Well as soon as I'm off touring. Which is a week left, thank you," I lecture into my phone and hang up.

I slid my phone into my pocket. I took another drag and Austin started to press small kisses to my neck. I giggle quietly, smoke leaving my mouth.

"Aussssie," I say.  
"Phooooe," he says in mocking matter.  
"Get in there, you have set soon I'm sure," I say as I finish my cigarette, tossing it to ground, stomping it out.  
"Okay, okay, fine," he says as he takes my hand.

We walk back into the venue. I dropped Austin off his dressing room. I made my way to my dressing room. I walk in and the guys all staring at me. They each hug me then they do a group hug. It's the same thing every time when I have a panic attack. I've had really bad panic attacks before where I find myself hospitalized. They kept hugging me. They let go and I take out my phone. I get on Twitter and send out a quick tweet.

@PhoeEllaDeath: I'm fine for those who heard that I had a panic attack on stage. It was minor and lasted for the last half of set.

I slid my phone back into my pocket. I grabbed my stuff and made my way back to the bus. I get on the bus. I change into my pajamas. I get in my bunk and lay there thinking about that kiss I shared with Austin earlier. It felt different. Then it hit me. We both said 'I love you.' for the first time our relationship. Those words added something to our kiss. I took out my phone to send a quick text to Austin.

That kiss was amazing. I'm sorry I'm not watching set tonight. Too well you know.

I press send and plug my phone in. I close my eyes. I slowly drift off into a deep sleep. This night has been...terribly amazing.


	11. Chapter 11

Getting home to my nice little ranch house was amazing. I was greeted by my best friend, who lives in the city but is my house/cat watcher whilst I'm on tour. I get home and walk into the living room where Isabella, my best friend, is.

"Hey Phoe. How are you?" Isabella says.  
"Hey Is. I'm going good," I say, "and yourself?"  
"Good, your house is fine so is the cat," Is states.  
"Tux is okay?" I say happily.  
"Yeah, Tux was napping," She says.

I put down my bags and sit on the couch. She pauses the movie.

"So, Austin fucking Carlile is your boyfriend?" She asks.  
"Yeah, just a lot. He's going to visit after being home in Cali for a while," I say.  
"Good, I have to meet him. Its my right as best friend," She says.  
"Alright, you will. We'll stop by a club you DJ at," I say.  
"Promise?"  
"Cross my heart."

She just shakes her head and looks at me. I smile and close my eyes.

"I'm going to bed for a while," I mumble.  
"Have fun," she says.

She kisses the top of my head and grabs her coat and purse.

"Later faggot," She says as she walks to the door.  
"Bye Faggot," I say back and she walks out the door.

I collect myself and make my way into my room. I crawl into my bed. My cat meows and rubs up against me.

"Hi Tuxxy. Mama is home. Yeah," I say as I pet my cat.

I pet him for a while before falling asleep.

*_*

Waking up the next morning. My cat on my back as I sleep. I carefully got up. Tux jumping off my back. I got up and fed him first then I made myself breakfast. My phone goes off and I look to see a text from Alan.

Morning Birdy. I miss you :c I will definitely have to stop by sometime

I smile as I type my reply,

Morning Kitty. I miss you too. Totally drop in on me

I finish eating and I wonder off in my little studio jam room. I haven't had a while a to sit down and write some new songs. I grab my phone to send out a tweet.

@PhoeEllaDeath: Im already writing new music for the next album. I've only been home one day from tour

I sit down and toss my phone to the floor gently as I grab a notebook and pencil. I wrote "break through song" at the top of the paper.

"Oh....it can be. like a black and white movie. We can fall in love so slowly," I sing out quietly.

I shake my head as I put down my notebook. I grabbed my phone to compose a message to Austin.

I hate not being here with you. It's sucks. Also trying to music and all I want to write is some lovey pop crap about you

I press send. I sit there and stare at my phone. This is why I wasn't up about dating. Guys are assholes and you spend most of your time obsessing over them. I trusted Austin, a lot. My phone went off and I look to read one message....from him.

I'm lovey pop crap to you?

I groan. I knew I would be able to explain to him better over the phone. I called his number. Rings twice before an answer.

"This is Lovey Pop Crap how can I help you?" He answers.  
"Okay, prick, first off that's totally not what I meant by that!" I say.  
"Oh, so, now, I'm a prick?"  
"God, Austin. Okay, I think I love you and I never been in many relationships, especially this one this long. I've been missing you and it's hard to write songs when you miss someone so much."  
The line was silent before he spoke, "You think you love me?"  
"Well, yeah."  
"I think I love you too."  
I smile a bit, "When are you coming to visit?"  
"Next week maybe, depends."  
"Depends on what?" I sprawl out on the floor.  
"Band stuff."  
"Right."  
"Getting your address too. All I know is that you live in Pennsylvania."  
"Oh, shit, yeah. I'll email it to you."  
"So, what have you written?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"The tweet. What have you written."  
"Oh, yeah. Hold up," I put my notebook in my lap as I sing quietly, "It can be a like a black and white movie. We can fall in love slowly."  
"That's cute."  
"Cute?"  
"Yeah, like, it would a cute love song..."  
"I hate you..."  
"No, you don't."  
"Dammit."  
"I have to go. I have to do laundry and check in on my dad."  
"Alright...have fun house wife."  
"Shut up."  
"Okay...bye."  
"Bye."

I hung up as I grabbed my pencil. I scrawled down some notes. As a rocker girl I hate the affect Austin has on me, but as a girl I loved it. I groan as I get up, grabbing my phone. My cat rubbing up against my legs.

"Come on, it's time for a Kourtney and Kholé marathon," I say as I walk into the kitchen. I realized I have a big house and I'm one person. But I love having a room for all my shit. My guest rooms are nice.

*_*

Austin is suppose to come over today for a week. I’ve never have a boyfriend stay with me for a week in the same house. I cleaned everything and made it seem so lovely. I look out the window just in time to see the taxi pull up in front of my house and Austin gets out after a few minutes. He gets his roller bag from the trunk. I ran to sit down on the couch. He knocked on the door. I got up and walked to the door. I opened it.

“Hi,” I breathe.  
“Hi,” He says.  
I step to the side, “Please, come in.”  
“Alright,” He says as he walks in.  
“Ummm, I can take your bag to the guest room,” I say as i close the door.  
“Okay,” He says as i watch his eyes look around.  
“Look around, I suppose,” I take his bags from him.

He pulled me close to him and he pressed his lips to mine. I press my lips to his. My head was spinning. This was an amazing kiss. Our lips moved slowly against each others. My arms goes around his neck. HIs arms went around my waist. We kept the kiss innocent. I pulled away when oxygen became necessary. He just smiled at me. I smile back.

“That was...amazing,” I say.  
“You are amazing,” He says.  
“I miss kissing you,” I mumble.  
“I missed you a lot,” He says.

I nodded and took his bags. I walked to the nearest guest room. I put the bags down and his backpack on the bed. I go back into the living room area where Austin was looking at my photo frames on the wall.  
“Is this you?” Austin asks.  
I walk over to him, “Yeah, that is when I was like 3.”  
“You were so cute,” Austin says.  
“Shush Austin,” I say. I slide my hand into his, “Come on. Let me show you around.”  
“Alright, lead away,” He says.

I walk around pointing out rooms. I show him his room and the bathroom he will be using. I showed him the studio room. Tux was following us, constantly rubbing against my legs then would smell Austin. I show him the door of my room.

“This is my room. You aren’t allowed in here unless I need cuddles, or I’m dying,” I say honestly.  
“Can I see inside?” He asks.  
“....Fine,” I say.

I open the door and walk in. Austin follow me in. My room had a few posters of bands on my wall. My degree was right by the TV on the wall. I look down at my hands. Austin just smiled as he walked around my room.  
“You done?” I ask.  
“Yeah, I’m done,” He says.  
“Well, I’ll let you settle in. We are going out to a club like right before you leave. My friend wants to meet you,” I say.  
“Alright, yeah, thats fine,” He says.

He walks out of my room and walks to his room. I grab my smokes and walks outside to my back porch and lit up a cigarette. Tux was too busy rubbing up against Austin. I smoked a cigarette. I finished it, and walked back inside. Austin was on the couch on his phone. I sat down next to him.  
“I’ve never like had a boyfriend stay with me,” I say.  
“I have but…,” He starts.  
“I know. Believe me. You heard right from my mom that I had posters of you on my wall so I know about everything,” I state, “Do you want to into Philly and we can get Philly cheesesteak? You don’t find a cheesesteak any other place.”  
“Well, damn you have me sold. Let’s go,” Austin says.

I grab my purse and keys. We walk into my garage. Austin just laughs a bit. I have a current VW Beetle. Thank God, it was a convertible. I unlocked the car. We got in. Austin barely fits. I put the top down. I open the garage door. We drove up to Philly. It took an hour but, Austin just seemed to enjoy the drive. I parallel parked the car and I pay the car meter for like three hours. We walk and we go up the street vender and I get two cheese steaks and a soft pretzel. I hand Austin one of the cheesesteaks. We walk down to this little stoop. We sat down and ate. Austin and I shared the soft pretzel.  
“Holy shit, that was delicious,” Austin says.  
“Reasons I picked to live outside of Philly,” I say to him.  
“I think the soft pretzel was the best part.”  
“I love soft pretzels. But I love pretzels.”  
“Oh really?”  
“Yeah.”

We walk around for a while before getting back in the car. He yawned quietly. I knew he was probably tired. I drove back.

“Why a beetle?” He asks.  
“I’m small and I look damn good in it,” I answer.

We get back to house. We get out and go back into the house. I sit down on the couch. He sits down next to me.  
“I’m so tired,” He says.  
“Go rest up,” I say as I kiss his cheek.  
“Maybe after a quick little make out,” He says like a teenage boy.

I roll my eyes and press my lips to his. We kiss in rather sweet kiss. We kiss sweetly and slowly. It was as amazing as the first kiss we had when he first got here. My head was spinning. He eventually pulled away and looks at me with a smile on his face. I look at him with a smile.

“Okay, wait I request cuddles…,” I say.  
“Alright,” He says.

I walked to my room and got in my pajamas. Tux is the foot of my bed. Austin comes in, in his pajamas. I lay down and he lays down next to me. He holds me close to him. I slowly fall asleep in his arms. He fall asleep. This was perfect.


	12. Chapter 12

Waking up to Austin's arms around me, the coziness of my bed, and Tux nudging his head against mine, was the best thing ever. I had to move Austin's arms from around me without waking my sleeping child. He was definitely still asleep because time change. I get up without much issue. Tux jumped off the bed in the mean time, meowing his little head off. I laugh and go into the kitchen. I start coffee and get the cat bowl. I measure out a level scoop of cat food. I set his food down in the normal spot. I started to make pancakes when I see a very tired Austin walk in.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty," I saw, watching the bowl as I mixed.  
"Morning baby," He says in response.

He lazily tosses his arms around my middle. I lean slightly into his touch but keeping my eyes on the bowl. I already had a pan heating up and sprayed down with cooking spray.

"Honey Bee, you have to let me go so I can cook the pancakes," I say.  
"Otay," He says as he yawns.

His arms drop and he walks to my stools I have tucked under the island. He pulls one out and sits down. He lays his head down gently. I felt bad for the poor kid. I started to scoop rather level scoops of pancake batter on the pan.

"I need kisses," He whines.  
"Then come here," I insist.

He gets up and walks to me. I press my lips to his. He lazily presses his lips back. It was nice however. I pull away as I peck his lips a few times.

"There," I say.  
"Mmm, your lips are so addicting," He says sounding a bit more awake.  
"There is coffee if you need it," I say as nod my head towards the coffee pot.  
"Alright, mugs?" He asks.  
"Hanging up right in front of the coffee pot," I answer as I flip the pancakes.  
"Okay, thank you," Austin mumbles as he walks to coffee pot.

I hum as I walk to get a plate for the cabinet. I place it the stove. I put the done pancakes on the plate. I walk away to get butter, maple syrup, and silver wear out for Austin and myself.

"Eat babe," I say as I place all these rings on the island.  
"Are you going to have some?" He asks.  
"Yeah, I'm making more for me," I say as I start to dip more pancake batter.  
"Okay," He says.

He sits down on the stool again. He preps his pancakes then starts to eat them. I flip the pancakes. I turn around to look at him. He looked cute, eating pancakes and drinking coffee half asleep. I watch him take a few bites before getting another plate out for my done pancakes. I put them on the plate and shut off the stove. I put the almost empty bowl of pancake batter into the sink. I put my plate down and I sit down across from Austin. I prep my pancakes. I get up to open the fridge. I pull out a small can of Arizona Green Tea out of the fridge. I close it and sit back down. I saw Austin just smile and shakes his head.

He swallows his bite, "Really?"  
I knew what he was referring to, "Yes. I love tea alright?"  
"Alright...it's just bizarre to have for breakfast," He comments.  
"You are bizarre," I say as a comeback.  
"Ooo ouch," He says as he laughs a bit.

I laugh as I start to eat. Tux jumps up on the island. I just sigh and place him down on the ground. I swallow my bite.

"Tux isn't allowed on the table, the counter, and the island. Well really any table," I state.  
"Alright," Austin says as he nods his head, "What else?"  
"Take off your shoes at the front door. You have to make sure I take my medicine every day. In the evening, at five, or right before dinner," I answer, "You cannot go in my room, but I told you that last night. You make a mess, you better clean it up. You can do pretty much anything you want. No destroying my studio. Ask me if you want to use the studio for studio purposes. No listening to songs that don't have Kiss Of Death in the name."  
"Wait, why can't I listen to the music?" He asks.  
"It's for the other bands I sometimes produce," I say, "I have an associates in Music Production, I'm going to fucking use it."  
"That's really fucking cool," Austin says.  
"No answering my phone, at all, unless one of your band members names pop up, which would be Kitty, Philly, Hug Monster, and Jokester." I added, "If you see Doctor on the screen, rush the phone to me."  
"Yes ma'am."  
"That's pretty much it. I have a doctors appointment today so you get to stay here and entertain yourself."  
"I can do that. I mean as long as I look at stuff mostly."  
"You can stream Netflix."  
"Oooo Netflix."

I laugh. We finish eating. I rush off to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I put my hair up in a damp ponytail. I look at myself in the mirror. The feeling of hatred washed over me. I just shook my head and walked into my bedroom. I put on a bra and a sundress, even though it's still a bit cold outside. I slide on a jacket. I toss my phone and wallet into a pocket. I spray the base of neck with perfume. I walk out of my room and make my down the steps. I see Austin sitting on the couch. His hair in a damp mess, the baseball game on. I walk up behind him.

"Video games are all yours as well. N64 NES...whatever you want. Mario Wii baseball," I comment.  
"N64? Do you have a baseball game for it?" He asks.  
"I might," I say.  
"Cool," He says. He looks up at me up and down, "You look beautiful."  
"Thank you," I say a bit shyly.  
"How long are you going to be gone?"  
"The doctor is in Philly, so three hours maybe."  
"Do you want me to go with you?"  
"Nah, I'll be fine."  
"Okay."

I hug him. He hugs me back. His nose ends up nuzzled in my neck, he probably is huffing my perfume (thank God for Beyoncé). I tilt his head up to kiss him softly. He kisses me back softly. My head felt like it was spinning, as always. I'm not quite sure what the fuck Austin had done to me but I love it. I pull away to look at him.

"I'll be back."  
"Okay, have fun."

I peck his lips as I walk to the door. I put on my Toms and grabbed my keys. I walk to my garage and hop in my car. I open the garage and back out. I close the garage. I start driving to the long drive to Philadelphia. I keep my eyes on the road as I thought about Austin would do for about three hours. Hopefully not break any rules or boundaries.

•_•

I get out of my car and walk back inside the house. I slid off my shoes. I toss my keys in the key bowl. I heard Austin yelling, not his stage yelling but like actual yelling.

"COME ON!!! I TOTALLY HIT THAT!!!," He yells with a small groan.

I walk into the living room. Sure enough, he's playing with Mario Bros Wii Baseball. He was in batting position. I lean against the door frame. I watch him swing and squealing when he hits it. I laugh when he squeals. He paused the game and looked over at me.

"How was the doctor?" He asks.  
"Good, we talked about my outburst that one night. How was the threeish hours without me?" I respond.  
"I'm playing my third game of Mario Baseball. I watched the rest of the game. I got hungry and found goldfish in a cabinet. I played with Tux a little," He answers.  
"I'll let you get back to your game," I say as I sit on the couch.  
"Alright," he says.

He kisses the top of my head as he starts the game again. I watch him totally lose the last few innings. I laughs bit when he turns off the system and sits next to me. His hand rests on mine. I intertwine our fingers. I watch him stare blankly.

"Why on the outskirts of Philadelphia?"  
"I'm a small town girl, suburbs of the main city is my life. Small town have appeals that are perfect for me."  
"Damn, that's a good answer."  
"How's your dad?"  
"He's good. We went out on a father son date. We watched the dodgers."  
"Eeeek. Fuck the dodgers."  
"What?!?!"  
"I'm a Yankees girl, so not sorry."  
"Ugh, that's so gross."  
“You are gross.”

Austin just rolls his eyes in a playful manner. I look at him with a smile.

“Can I make you something for lunch?” Austin asks.  
“Something on the grill would be yummy. I have porkchops,” I answer.  
“Oooo, pork chops sound good,” He says.  
“I’ll go start the grill,” I say to him as I get up.  
“Kiss me first,” He asks.

I just laugh as I lean down to kiss my boyfriend right on the lips. He kisses me back. I pull away and I go outside. I walk to the grill and start to burn up the charcoal. I use lighter fluid to help with the burning. I go inside. I walk into the kitchen and open the freezer. I grab the slabs of pork and the grilling tongs.

“Come on master chef,” I call to Austin.  
“Coming,” He says.

I laugh and ignored the comment that popped up in my head. I walk outside and put the meat on the small counter space that is by the grill. I look at Austin was watching the fire dance along the coals. I put all the slabs on the grill and handed Austin the grilling tongs.He took the tongs.

“I’ll be inside if you are looking for me. The Kardashians are calling for me,” I say as I head inside.  
“Okay,” He states.

I get inside and sit down on the couch. I get out my phone and sent Alan a quick text message. Hey Kitten. How’re you?

I also send one to Isabella. The cutie is making pork chops. You should stop by with Josh.

I watch Austin through the window. He was smiling and cooking. His headphones were in and he was dancing slightly. I laugh as my phone chimed twice. I look at my phone.

Yeah, we are on our way. Isabella texted me back.  
I smile and quickly reply. Awesome. See you then c:

I look at Alan’s text. I am comfortable again, sleeping wise. Missing my little birdy though.  
I smile and send him a text back. Come visit me after like after Aussie leaves, which is by the end of the week.

“Hey Babe,” I say as I walk outside again.  
“Yeah, what is up?” He says.  
“Isabella is going to come around with her boyfriend Josh,” I say.  
“Isabella is that friend that wanted to meet me right?” He asks.  
“Yes, she is the one,” I say, “So prepare for grilling.”  
“Alright, baby,” He says.

I kiss him cheek and mumble something about him being my prince. He just smiled. I walk back inside. I start making rather healthy sides. I set the table and I set the sides out. Austin comes in with the pork chops.

“They are gonna taste smokey. It’s going to be amazing,” Austin says as he places them on the middle.  
“Awesome,” I say as I kiss his cheek. The doorbell rings, “Can you get it?”  
“Yeah, I can.” Austin had a bit of nervousness in his voice.  
“She won’t bite….,” I trail off, “hard.”

He walks to the door. I hear the door open. There is small chatter and they walk into the dining room.

“Hey!” Isabella says.  
“Hey girly,” I say back.

We hugged. I hugged Josh. Austin and I sat next to each other. Josh and Isabella sat down across from us. We started eating.

“So,” Isabella spoke up, “Austin, you live in California right?”  
“Yes, I do,” Austin answers.  
“What’s your favorite thing about Phoenix?” Isabella asks.  
“Everything, I mean I cannot name one thing. If I had to name one thing, definitely her eyes, I can stare in them all day and night,” Austin answers.  
My cheeks flush and I look down at my my plate.  
“That is so cute,” Isabella says.  
“What do you do Josh?” Austin asks.  
“I sing for the band Marianas Trench,” Josh answers.  
“I have a heard a few songs off of the babe’s phone. You guys are really good,” Austin says.  
“Thank man,” Josh says with a nod.  
“Is it wrong to ship our boyfriends?” I ask Isabella clear enough for them to hear.  
“Nah, I mean they are our boyfriend,” Isabella says with a smirk on her face.  
“Why…?” They both groan.  
“They even,” Isabella says and put her hand up.  
“We love you guys. We are just messing around,” I say.  
Austin looked at me, “What?”  
“I love you Austin.” I say.  
“I love you too Phoenix,” He says back.  
“What just happened?” Isabella says.  
“That was the first time…,” i say and trail off.  
“Awwwwwwwwwwwh,” Isabella coos.

We eat throughout this entire conversation. I loved this. Everything was perfect. We finish eating. Josh and Austin cleared the table. Isabella and I sitting on the couch, chatting away. Josh and Austin joined us after time. Isabella was in Josh’s lap. Austin and I was sitting next to each other, our fingers intertwine.

“Austin, I know how great you are. Phoenix has filled me in. I know she loves you alot. You obviously love her. Just don’t mess up,” Isabella says.  
“I won’t mess up, I promise,” Austin says.  
“I’ll see you guys Friday at the club,” Isabella says as she gets up.  
“We will see you guys then,” I say.

Josh gets up. We say good bye and hug them. They leave.

“That was so seriously so stressful,” Austin says, “I mean your parents will be stressful too, but...it’s like your best friend.”  
“Just wait till we have a nice sit down dinner with the guys one of these days. They will drill you, especially with York and Spencer,” I say.  
“York and Spencer were good guys when we talked briefly,” Austin speaks.

I kiss his lips softly. He kisses me back. His hand come up and cups my face. He pulls away slowly. My eyes slowly fluttered back open. Austin just looked at me. I looked at him. I smile softly. I kiss him again, and he kiss me back. He slowly pulls me down on the couch. He slowly gets top of me. We kept kissing and my arms goes around his neck. He arms go around me. We kept the kiss merely innocent. I can tell that Austin wants more. I am going to throw him a bone. My tongue traces his bottom lip. His lip part and I slide my tongue into his mouth. Slowly I feel his hips meet mine. I let out a breathy moan in his mouth. We keep kissing. He pulls away slowly as my eyes flutter open. His eyes open slowly.

“I….I am….going to go take a shower,” Austin says.  
“I mean I was going to give you quickie, whatever you are comfortable with,” I say tapping the tip of his nose.  
“I…,” Austin says as he gets up.

I stand up and kiss him again. He kisses me back. I laugh as he scampers off to his room. While I was thinking about it, I should probably wax down there. I take out my phone and call the spa. I yawn and sit down. I realize it’s only like 2pm. I made the appointment for 4. I know I have an hour commute. I go to Austin’s room and knock on the door after a good hour. he opens the door.

“I am going to the spa. I’ll be back at 7,” I say.  
“Can I come with you?” He asks.  
“We can go out to like Frendlies,”I say happily.  
“Sounds perfect. I’ll put on my shoes,” He says.

He puts on his shoes. We go out to dinner after my spa meeting. We get home at like 8 and change into our pajamas. We curl up on the couch and watch movies until we fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Finally Friday, I was dragging Austin to the club to see Isabella DJ. I told her I’d take him so, we are here. Austin was wearing a nice black long sleeve shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black skinnies, and black boots. I had on my Toms, a pair of black skinnies, and a sparkly top. We are standing in the cue and Isabella rolls up.

“Hey, come on,” She says.

She takes my hand, which made me grab Austin's. She takes us to the front and we get in. She has to work at one of the best clubs in all of Philadelphia. Austin was just happy to go to something that is this much fun. Isabella goes to her stand and Austin gets a beer. I kinda wish he wasn’t but I am out tonight being his girlfriend not his mother.

“Babe, come here,” He says as he pulls me close to him.

He takes out his phone to take a picture of us. He took another as we kissed. I didn’t mind. I kiss his cheek and leave him at the booth we were sitting at. I went to the dance floor. I was able to get close to the DJ stand where Isabella was. She pulled me up there. I was up there with her for maybe fifteen minutes. I danced as she DJed. I help her picked out tracks and what not. Its usually what I did when I go watch her. I was able to see the whole crowd and the back of the club, I frowned when I saw that Austin wasn’t in the booth. I whisper to Isabella that I have to find him. I get down and look around. I made it back to the booths. I take out my phone and call him. I hope to hell he hears it. I sighed when it went to voice mail. I heard giggles towards the edge of the dance floor. I looked up as I see Austin talking to some whore. I shake my head as I walk to him.

“Sorry honey, he’s with me,” I say as move my hand to his ass. I’ve seen this in movies and that is what the guys did to the girls. He jumped a bit with a tiny squeak. He has had more than beer to drink.  
“Yeah, that’s cute. Why would he be with some em…” She starts.  
I club her across the face. “SOME WHAT? SOME EMO FREAK? REALLY BITCH LIKE I’VE NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE!” I screamed and by that time the music had stop. Austin’s eyes were wide when he was looking at me.  
“YOU FUCKING WHORE! I JUST GOT THIS NOSE JOB!” She squealed as she held her nose.

The security that was there asked me to leave. I heard the music go back on. I go back to the car. I held my knees to my chest as I let out a soft sob before Austin comes out. He vomits a few feet away from the car as he stumbles to the car.

“Baby?” He asks, great vomit smell and alcohol.  
“Get in the back, we are going home,” I say.  
“But, I just,” He starts.  
“In the back...now,” I say as I buckle in.

He climbs into the back seat and buckles. I drove home. Once we got there, I get out as I run my bedroom. I took off my shirt and my jeans. I lost my shoes as i walked inside of the house. I looked at myself in my big mirror. She was right, I was an emo freak. The scars that littered my stomach and my upper thighs and the few I’ve managed to hide on my hand. I stare at my scar that looks like a heart that I got away with on my ring finger. I must have staring too long, Austin was knocking on my door. I sighed and threw on my pajama shirt, what my bra was really lacey and see throughish. I opened it and saw him there. He had a water bottle in his hand. I didn’t want to yell at him and tell him those are for my work outs.

“I am sorry I didn’t say something. I was about to but you punched the whore,” He states.  
“It’s fine. Go lay down in your bed. I’ll be up before you, so just let me know if you need something,” I reply with.  
“But, that’ll be the first night this week I haven’t slept with you in my arms,” He says.  
“Just go,” I say.

I stood there and looked him. I saw his eyes wander over my body, locking on my thighs. I look down at my hand.

“I never noticed the ones on your hand,” He spoke up.  
“No one does. Why would someone selfdestruct on their hands?” I ask.  
“You tell me,” He answers.  
“It was tough and like I ran out of room on my thighs without reopening some. I needed room," I answer my own question.  
“I’ve felt the heart on your ring finger millions of time but I couldn’t get myself to ask.”  
“It was something I did in high school, with my ex boyfriend. You have the date right on your neck line, I have the heart carved into my finger.”  
“It was a in the moment thing and you sure they were the one.”  
“Basically...Get in here.”

He smiles and walks in my room. He gets on my bed. I lay down next to him. His fingers were tracing the scars on my thighs. I traces the tattoos on his chest. We fell asleep shortly after.

*_* ZzZz*_*

I woke up. Shortly after, I realize that Austin was leaving today. I had to drive him to the airport and say good bye. I didn't want to. I get up and go straight to the shower. I shower rather quickly. I pull my clothes. I walk into the kitchen as Tux is meowing at me for food.

"Mamma is getting your food right now," I coo.

I get all his food together in his fish and place it down in the usual spot. I pull out a box of muffin mix. I start making muffins and put them in the muffin tray and that into the oven. I set the timer. Austin was just dragging himself into kitchen by then. His hair was in a damp mess and his face looked tired.

"I'm adjusted to the time just in time to fucking leave," He groans quietly.  
"I'm making muffins for us," I say.  
"Blueberry?" He asks.  
"Yes," I answer.

I get a pain killer for him as I take a small cup and fill it with water. I place it on the breakfast bar for him. He just smiles and takes the pills and sips enough water to wash them down apparently.

"Drink all the water, it helps," I say as I look at him.  
"Ugh, fine," He says as he drinks the water, all of it.  
"Austin?"  
"Yes?"  
"I love you."  
"I love you too."  
"Always?"  
"Always."

I smile as I lean up to kiss his lip. He connects our lips as we kiss in a soft embrace. It was so nice. I didn't want him to leave, ever.

"Don't leave."  
"I already bought my ticket and I can't refund it."  
"My big 21st in a month. Will you come back then?"  
"Yeah, of course. In fact, I know what I am getting..."  
"No, no gifts. I'm going to have my first beer and that's it. Then go to the club because Isabella can't take that day off."  
"I'm still getting it for you."  
"Noooo." I hide my face in his chest.  
"Too bad, it's gonna great. You are going to love it."  
"Really?"  
"Mhm."  
"Will you remember to take your medicine?"  
"I have before."  
"What did you do at the spa?"  
"I got waxed."  
"Ouch why?"  
The oven timer goes off.  
"Because I needed too."

I got a pot holder and open the over door. I pull them out and place them on the counter. I just watch Austin smile as he looks at me.

"What are you staring at?" I ask.  
"Your cute little frame." He answers.  
"I'm not little."  
"You are, compared to me."  
"Everyone is little compare the 6 foot 4inches that is Austin Carlile."  
"Shush up you are like what? 5 foot 5 inches."  
"I'm 5 foot 4 inches."  
"I'm a foot taller than you?"  
"Yes. The muffins should be cooled down by now."  
"Yay!" He gets up and takes one of of the pan.

He eats it like a happy kid. I look at him before grabbing one for myself. They were really good. Damn, I did an awesome job. We are in silence. After eating, we sat there and kinda stared at each other.

"When does your flight leave?" I ask.  
"Um, in three hours," He answers.  
“We need to leave noooooow,” I say.  
“Alright, alright. I’ll get my stuff,” He says with a small frown on his face.  
“Hey, hey, no frowning,” I say as I kiss his lips softly.

He kisses my lips back. His hands resting on my face. My arms wrap around his neck. He pulls away. I just smile at him. He smiles.

“We need to go now,” I say as I grab my keys.

I slide on my shoes. He went off to his room. He came back with his bags. We loaded them up in the car. We get in. The long one hour drive. It’s sad that’s he’s leaving. I look at him when we got to red lights. We finally get to the airport. I park the car. We get out and Austin grabs his bag. I took his free hand. We get inside the airport. He goes and checks his bag. We walked slowly to where you have to go to for security. We arrived there. He pulls me into his arms. I held on to him. Maybe I could visit him in California. I could see Alan too. Two birds with one stone. He brings his head down to kiss me softly. I kiss him back. We move our lips together slowly and gently. His hands came down to rest on the side of my face. We held this kiss for what feels like forever. He eventually pulled away. He rests his forehead against mine.

“I love you,” He says.  
“I love you too,” I say.  
“I’ll miss you,” He mumbles.  
“I’ll miss you too. I honestly don’t want you to leave,” I say with a small frown.  
“I’m leaving and you are going to frown?” He says.  
“I wouldn’t frown if you weren’t leaving,” I reply.  
“I’ll be back in a month. We can facetime and Skype and whatever makes you happy.’  
“Sleeping without you is going to be hard.”  
“I know.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”  
“You need to get going or you’ll miss your flight.”  
“Alright babe.”

We shared another head spinning kiss before he pulls away. I gave him one last hug. He hug me back. He pull away from the hug the walked into security. I watch him do all the security things. I slowly walked back to parking garage. This was going to be a long month. My phone rings in my pocket. I answer it without looking to see who it is.

“Hello?” I say as I answer, finally getting to my car.  
“I love you,” the voice say, it was Austin.  
“I love you too, baby,” I say.  
“I miss you already.”  
“I miss you too baby.”

I plugged in my headphones and placed my phone down on the middle console. I pulled out of the parking spot. I drove to the nearest fucking IHOP. We stayed on the phone the whole time. As soon as I got to the restaurant Austin said he had to go. We hung up. I sat in the car for a bit. I missed him a lot. This is what it is like to have a boyfriend you really like, apparently. This was going to be a long month without my boyfriend. I’ll be okay though.


	14. Chapter 14

It's been two weeks since I left the Phoenix in Pennsylvania. I miss her. My gift to her is going to be amazing. I just have been talking to Tino all about it. Tino is behind me. He thinks it’s a good idea. I have been thinking about asking her. I’m in my house, well really in my backyard, relaxing on my lawn chair, and Tino laying down next to me.

“Do you honestly think it’s too soon to moving in with her? We've been together for 2 months, but I'm crazy about her,” I ask him.  
“Well I mean, if you really think she’s the one, it won’t. If she is just a fling, it’s not even worth it,” Tino answers.  
“I don’t know yet, I mean she saw me drunk flirting with some girl,” I say.  
“Really? You guys went out and you got drunk?”  
“Yeah, I was having fun. I mean she’s not even old enough to drink.”  
“She’s 20? I thought she was maybe as old as Alan.”  
“I really like her. I think she really likes me.”  
“I think you should slip it into a normal conversation for like asking if you can stay for a month and see how that goes. It could be a trail run.”  
“I don't know. What if it goes terrible?"  
"Then you can wait about living with her."

The silence filled the air before Tino spoke again.

"Maybe you could get a condo there. Maybe in case things don't work one day and you cool off at the condo and come back," Tino says.  
"That's not that bad of an idea," I say.  
"We'd have a house to live in whilst we are Philidelphia," Tino also added.

I just nod and close my eyes. My phone buzzed next to me. Tino was relaxing in the lawn chair next to mine. I open my eyes as i look at my phone. One text message from Phoenix.

Hey Baby. I miss you. I love you. Skype me whenever you get the chance.  
I sent a text back. I'm relaxing with Tino for a bit, then I'm pretty going to take a long nap. I'm exhausted. I love you too pretty girl. I miss you too.  
My phone dings almost instantly. Tell TinoBear hi for me. I can't wait to see you in two weeks.

"She says Hi Tino," I say as I look at him.  
"Tell her hi," Tino replies with.

I smile as I type my reply. Tino says Hi. I need to Skype you about something, but It can wait till the end of my nap.  
I waited for her to reply, which happened a few seconds later. Oh really? Okay. Have a good nap TeddyBear.

I laugh as I read the message. I place my phone down. I lay down on my stomach. I place my arms down in front of me. I rest my head on my arms. I close my eyes. I slowly fall asleep.

/)•ZzZz•(\

I woke up in my bed. Thank God for Tino brining me and not leaving me out there to fry. I slowly got up and yawn quietly. I dragged myself to the kitchen. I go to the fridge. I pull out a bottle of water. I had a bit of a headache. I checked the time. 4:50 AM. Well, looks like I'm up for the rest of the day. I start to make myself coffee. I pour myself a cup once it is done. My house was lonely. I wonder when Phoenix is going to come down to visit me. I walk to my laptop and tap the mouse. The screen wakes up and I click on Skype. I see that Phoenix is online. I click video call. It rings. I rest my coffee cup next to the laptop. I walk away and turn on the light and sits back down in front of the screen.

"Hey baby," I say tiredly.  
"I love you," She says.  
"I love you too. Sorry, I didn't call you earlier. I took a long nap," I state as I start to take a sip of coffee.  
"It's fine. What did you want to talk about?" She questions. Straight to the point with her  
"So, Ummm, maybe I could stay with you for like a month....as a trail run, to see if we could....," I trailed off.  
"Really?" She asks.  
"Yeah. I want to," I answer.  
"Yeah, I would love that. That sounds so amazing," She exclaims.  
"Awesome, so, I go visit you in two weeks I'll bring a lot more stuff," I say.  
"I love you so much Austin," She says.  
"I love you so much too Phoenix," I say back.  
"How was Tino?" She asks.  
"He's good," I say.  
"I have to go. I have to take Tux to the vet. Poor baby has allergies," Phoenix says with a smile spread on her lips.  
"Okay, take Tux. Love you," I say.  
"Love you too," She says.

She hangs up and the screen goes back to the chat page. I smile as I close the laptop. I drink the rest of my coffee. I yawn as I go to the bathroom. I take a shower. I get dress in shorts and my Slipknot shirt. I walk outside to my car. I get in my car and drive to in n out burger. I park my car and get out. I go in the burger joint and order my food. A pair of arms wrap themselves around me while I was standing in line.

"Hi," The voice spoke.  
"Hi Alan. Fancy seeing you here," I say.  
"I was too lazy to make lunch, so sue me," He says.  
"I might sue you," I say in a singsong voice.

I get up to the cash register, order my food, and pay. Alan had deserted me to sit back down at his food. Once I got my food, I sat down across from Alan. We ate in a comfortable silence.

"Did you have fun at Phoenix's?" Alan asks.  
"Yeah, I mean she doesn't drink since she's still 20, so no drunken fun or sex," I answer.  
"Did you two have sex at all?" Alan questions.  
"No...we made out heatedly but never did the deed," I reply.  
"That sucks. Did you want to bone her?" He asks bluntly. I stayed quiet, "YOU DID?!?!"  
"Of course, she's my girlfriend," I say.  
"I could have the pants off of that girl in seconds," Alan mumbles.  
"Watch it Ashby. Don't you dare steal her from under me," I say.  
"Maybe, she's using you," The prick mutters.  
"She is not," I state rather loudly.  
"Relax dude. It's cute to know how much you care for her," Alan states.  
"I hate you," I mumble.  
"You do not. You love me," Alan says.  
"Dammit, that's true," I say.  
"A girl would never come in between us. I can see the way you two look at each other. It's love, like honest to god love. I'd be stupid to not say she's the one for you. I would never steal away your happiness from you," Alan lectures.

I never thought about that. I stayed quiet and Alan smiled. He realized that he was right. I come to the realization that she is in fact the one. I want to make her mine and call her Phoenix Carlile. Or is it Phoenix Ella Carlile. Is Ella her middle name. I take out my phone to compose this text before I forget.

Is Ella just your middle name or your last name?

I put my phone down and look at Alan.

"Love you Ashby," I mumble.  
"I love you too Carlile," He says.

I laugh quietly and look down at my empty plate. I could have sworn I had some fries left.

"Did you eat the last few of my fries?"  
"Maybe."  
"Prick."  
"Cunt."  
"I hate you."  
"No, you don't."  
"I do."  
"You don't."  
"I do, I really do."  
"Lies."  
"I don't lie to you Assby."  
"You did, twice."  
"Come back to mine and entertain me."  
"Entertain you?" His smirk appears.  
"You fucking know what I mean..."  
"Mario Kart?"  
"Yes!"

Alan and I both get up. We throw away our trash. We go out to our car. Alan stas behind me all the way to my house. I park on my garage and Alan pulls into my driveway. We stumble inside the house. We went into my living room. I set up the game system. We started playing. Alan wasn't that good. So it was fun whooping his ass a lot. My phone ring and we paused. Phoenix.

"Yes baby?" I say as I answer.  
"I...," she sniffled.  
"Are you crying baby?" I ask.  
"Yes," she squealed.  
"Why?"  
"I need a smoke and York....and I need you to cuddle. I need Ashkitten."  
"Medicine, did you take it?" I ask. I look over at Alan who eyes were locked on me. I shrugged.  
"I can't find them," She whines.  
"Take deep breaths. Go to the kitchen. They are in the cabinet with all the teas. Get a glass of water and take your pills. Make yourself some tea. When you are making your tea get on Skype me and Alan will video call you."  
"Okay....." She says quietly.

The line went dead and I look at her.  
"She forgot her pills," I say filling Alan in.  
"S-She's going to be okay?" Alan asks.  
"Yeah, I hope so," I answer as I look through my phone. I compose a text to York.

She forgot her pills cause she couldn't find them. Please call her to make sure she's fine, and call Isabella to go see Phoenix if possible. I told her where her pills are.

A few moments later a reply. Thank you so much for filling me in. Usually she calls me first. So thank you.

I just smile as I read it. I grab my laptop and open it. I click on Skype. I saw Phoenix on. I click call. She answers with in seconds. Alan and I got in frame.

"BIRDY!" Alan says.  
"KITTY!" She says. I laugh. "TEDDY BEAR!"  
"Teddy Bear?" Alan questions.  
"Do not tell the guys, I'll have to kick your ass Ashby," I state firmly.  
"Okay Teddy Bear,” Alan says as he pinches my cheek.  
"I love you Teddy Bear," She say.  
“I love you too," my voice drops, "Honey Bee."  
"Honey bee?" Alan says as he bites his lip to hold back a laugh.  
"I can't wait to see you Austin," She says.  
"I can't wait to go out there for a whole month. I've never really lived on the east coast," I answer.  
"How come I'm not invited to this birthday Fest?" Alan asks.  
"Alan you can come," She says.  
"Did you get my text?" I ask out of the blue.  
"Yeah, and yes it's my last name," She says.  
"What's your middle name then?" Alan ask.  
"I don't have one," She answers.  
"Laaaaaaaame," Alan says.  
"There is always one prick," I mumble.  
"What is with you calling me prick all day?" Alan says.  
I hear a laugh from the computer, "I said prick a lot when he was out here. He must have picked it up from me," Phoenix says.  
"This guy is like craaaaaazy about you girl. Good for you," Alan says.  
My cheeks flushed red, "I'm not...crazy about her. I love her cause she's my girlfriend."  
"Awwwh baby," She coos.  
"I hate you guys," I mumble.  
"Lies," both Alan and Phoenix said to me.  
"Hey, Alan, if Of Mice and Men broke up would you become a stripper?" Phoenix asks looking serious.  
"Uhhh, yeah...wait. Do I get those cute shiney undergarments?" Alan asks. I just chuckle.  
"Yes," She says.  
"Yes," He says.  
"Oh my god," I comment.  
"Would you be a hitman, Teddy Bear?" She asks.  
"No, never! Why?" I ask.  
"Fan fiction reasons," She says.  
"Be a hitman Aus, I'll be a stripper. We will be a team. I can scope out your enemies as I give them a lap dance and report to you and you can kill them," Alan says.  
"You are rediculous...fine," I answer.  
"I'm a gay stripper right?" Alan asks Phoenix.  
"Yeah, of course," Phoenix answer.  
"Did Isabella ever come?" I ask.  
"Not yet..." Phoenix starts.  
"Isabella?" Alan pipes up.  
"She's taken," Phoenix and I both say.  
"Of course," Alan mumbles.  
"But she'd adore your gingerness. She loves gingers even though she's not dating one," Phoenix says.  
"I love you," I say.  
"I love you too," She says back, "well I'm going to lay down, I've had a long day."  
"Okay, good night babe," I say.  
"good night Birdy," Alan says.  
"Good night loves," she says.

We hang up and look at each.

"I should get going," Alan says.  
"Good night Ashby," I say.  
"Night Aus," He says.

I watch Alan leave before getting ready for bed myself.


	15. Chapter 15

I wake up and today is when everyone is coming to my house for my birthday tomorrow. Alan, Austin, Isabella, and Josh are coming down for a weekend bash. I'm inviting my friend Iris, for Alan. She's been talking about how cute he is. They've been talking for a while so I hope things work out. I get up and feed Tux. I shower and get dressed. I look at my mirror. I bite my lip. My phone goes off. I look at it. Alan.

I hope this is the right place. I will cry if it's not. I'm tired gingy. I laugh.

I hear a knock on my door. I pull my hair up in a ponytail. I walk to the door. I open the door and a tired looking ginger was at my door.

"Come in," I say quietly.  
"Thank you," Alan say as he walks in.  
"I'll show you to your room then we can talk about Iris," I say as I close the door.  
"She's so fucking sweet," He says.

I show him to his room and he places his stuff down. I show him around the house. We get back into the living room. Alan ended up holding Tux half way through the tour.

"I have rules," I say.  
"Okay, spill," he states.  
"Tux isn't allowed on the table, the counter, and the island. Well really any table. Take off your shoes at the front door. You have to make sure I take my medicine every day. In the evening, at five, or right before dinner. You cannot go in my room. You make a mess, you better clean it up. You can do pretty much anything you want. No destroying my studio. Ask me if you want to use the studio for studio purposes. No listening to songs that don't have Kiss Of Death in the name. No answering my phone, at all, unless one of your band members names pop up, which would be Boyf, Philly, Hug Monster, and Jokester. If you see Doctor on the screen, rush the phone to me," I say.  
"Lots of rules," Alan says.  
"I'll let you settle. I am going to make food. Do you want anything?" I ask.  
"Nah, I ate on the airplane," He says.

My phone goes off. Austin's name on the screen.

My flight got canceled but there isn't an available flight till tonight. So, I'll be there at like midnight. I'm so sorry. I love you. Alan had texted me that he landed so I left him in charge of you.

I sigh quietly mumbling, "Dammit."  
Alan looked up at me from looking at Tux, "Was that Austin?"  
"Yeah, his flight got canceled. He's not getting in till midnight," I huff.  
"Oh no. You'll be force to hang out with me all day till Prince Charming gets here," Alan says, his hand stroking Tux's back.  
"Iris, Isabella, and Josh will be here about noon. So that's another three hours," I say.  
"I get to see her in person and ask her out," Alan says.  
"What?!?!" I asking, smiling.  
"Shut it. I'm doing it before I leave," He says.  
I get up to just awh him. I grab my smokes off the table, "Want one?"  
"Hell yes," he answers.

Smoking was the reason we became friends. We both shuffled outsides. Sometimes I smoke inside but that's usually if I'm not expecting anyone. I took my phone outside with me. Alan and I both lit up a cigarette. I felt relaxed. I got four text messages from each guy in the band.

Simon: Just fucking landed in Philadelphia. Don't think I’d forget your birthday. Be there in an hour  
York: Be down in an hour. Love you almost Birthday girl  
Eli: I had to get a late night flight. I'll be there at midnight.  
Spencer: To be honest, I'll be there in a few hours say midnight.

I smiled as I read them. I had smoke slipping from my lips as I laugh a bit. Alan had already reached for a second cigarette. I put out my done cigarette.

"Take it easy, I'm not going out to buy anymore till Friday," I say.  
"I leave Thursday is that okay?" Alan asks.  
"My house is your house ginger," I say.  
"I might kidnap..." He starts.  
"No cat napping my baby boy!" I say.  
"B-but..." He starts.  
"He's my baby," I state.  
"So who is coming?" Alan asks.  
"Isabella, Josh, Iris, you, Austin, Spencer, Eli, York and his lady, and Simon and his lady. So four couples, three extra people. Eli and Spencer can share a room since I'm pretty sure they've shared a bed before. I don't know where I am sticking Iris," I say.  
"She can stay in my room!" Alan says, "I've been dying to hold her in my arms, to be honest."  
"If she's okay with it." I say.

We walk inside after Alan is done with his cigarette.

"Where is Austin staying?"  
"In my room."  
"You two gonna bump uglies?"  
"Maybe, maybe."  
"Oooooo."  
"Shut up! It depends on how drunk I get."  
"I'm getting you fucked up!"  
"Not too fucked up. Austin would take advantage of me."  
"He would n..."  
"He would too."

There is a knock on the door. I get up and walk to the door. I open it and see Simon, York, Lexi, and Hope.

"Phoenix!" They say at the same time.  
"Hey guys." I say.

I usher them in. I hug them both. I take their stuff to the rooms. I walk into the living room.

"Ashby this is my girl Lexi," York says.  
"Hi," Alan says as her hand.  
"Hello Alan," Lexi says.  
"This is Hope," Simon says.  
"Hello Alan," Hope says.  
"Hi Hope," Alan says, shaking her hand.

"Tea or coffee guys?" I ask them.  
"Coffee," Simon says.  
"Tea," York and Lexi says.  
"Coffee," Hope says.  
"I'll be back," I say as I walk to the kitchen.

I'm about to start more coffee before Hope and Lexi come in.

"So you and Austin going to bump uglies?" Hope asks.  
"Maybe," I answer.  
"Ooo girl, get it," Lexi says.  
"Guys, I am nervous about it. We've never done anything like sexual. I also hate...,"  
"Your body is fine. All your scars are beautiful," Lexi says.  
"You cannot let your scars make you miss out on things that could be amazing," Hope comments.  
"We are doing it tomorrow night after everyone is asleep," I say confidently.  
"Cool, so we'll drag everyone else out to bars," Hope says.  
"And tell them you two want alone time to 'bump uglies'," Lexi says putting air quotes around "bump uglies".  
"At least I just got waxed last night so I'm okay," I comment.  
"Good for you. Prepping yourself," Lexi says.  
"Condoms? Birth Control?" Hope ask.  
"I'm on birth control and I have condoms," I answer.

We finally walk out with the coffee and tea. I give everyone what they wanted. We talked for what seems like hours. I had manage to slip away to cook for everyone. We had a nice meal then played dumb games. The girls and I had managed to watch The Kardashians. In the middle of one of the episodes I hear a knock on the door. I excuse myself from everyone and go to the door, opening it to Iris, Isabella, and Josh. I invited them in. I pause the episode. Iris and Alan collided in a hug. Everyone watches them.

"Iris, you are so much more beautiful in person," Alan says.  
"Alan," Iris says with a blush, "You are more amazing in person."  
"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks.  
"Yes. Yes! Yes yes yes," She answer.

They kiss softly. I admire my handy work on setting them up. All this couples stuff made me miss my Austin. I hug Isabella and Josh. I introduce Alan to Isabella and Josh. Lexi, Hope, and I go to the kitchen and start making food. I'm more just watching.

"You miss Austin don't you dear?" Lexi speaks up.  
"Yeah, I mean seeing everyone be all couple like. I miss having my boyfriend here," I say.  
"He'll be here soon baby girl," Hope says.

We finished up the good and brought it out. We ate with little chatter. Everyone eventually went to their assorted rooms. I got on the couch. I watched more Kholé and Kourtney. I was keeping an eye on the time. It was 11:30pm. I'm pretty tired. I am probably going to fall asleep before Austin gets here. I just feel lonely. My breath hitches in my throat. My fingers get tappy. My arm muscles spasms a bit. I get up and run to the York and Lexi are in. I knock on the door. York opens the door.

"What's up?" He asks. Tears flows down my cheeks. He hugs me and rocks me a bit. He kisses my head. Lexi had left to get my emergency meds. She comes back with them and I take him. York stands there and soothes me. He leads me to my room. He tucks me in. "I'll stay up to let everyone in when they get here. Okay?" I nod. He turns off the lights and leaves. I slowly fall asleep.

*_*couple hours later*_*

I wake up a bit when I hear footsteps in my room. There is a bit of shuffling then the weight of the bed shifts. Arms wrap themselves around me. A body presses up against me. I fall back to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

I woke up with his arms around me. I felt safe. I look at him as sleep. He was so cute. Our legs had laced together sometime during the night. It was perfect. I love him so much. I knew we were going to be there together for this whole month. It was going to be great. I snuck out of his arms. Tux jumps off the end of the bed to the floor and rubs himself against me. I walk to my kitchen. He follows me. I feed him and give him water. He eats happily. I couldn't believe I was the only one up. I noticed that my kitchen seems a bit unkempt, but that's probably from last night. I walk into my dining room.

"Happy Birthday," Iris, Alan, Josh, Isabella, York, Simon, Lexi, and Hope say at once.

They made me pancakes, tea, and bacon, how sweet, "Thanks guys," I say as I sit down.

"We'd figured you and Austin would be sleeping in because," Isabella says.  
I heat up rosey red in my cheeks, "No faggot. We didn't sleep together."  
"Is that for tonight?" Hope asks.  
"…I don't know," I mumble.  
"Can we just eat, and not talk about lil Phoe banging Austin like guns?" York states loudly.  
"Yes Yorkie," I say with a smile.

We ate breakfast and over time Elijah, Spencer, and Austin joined us. Each of them greeting me with a Happy Birthday. Austin made his Happy Birthday, sorta, kinda, hot. I stood up to hug him when he walked in before he said anything. He grabbed my ass, said "Happy Birthday," gave me a big kiss on the lips, then he kissed the skin behind my ear and mumbled about how he was going take me to squealtown tonight. I love him a lot. We sat down and ate. It was a nice breakfast. They manage to usher me to the living room and there are my gifts on my coffee table and I'm sitting on the ledge of the fireplace. They hand me one present.

"Sweet, this is from Alan," I open it. I smile as it is a picture of us and a bottle of booze. I hold up for people to see. They hand me another gift.  
"Yes Hope and Lexi next," I open the gift, It was the dress I wanted and perfume and a cute leather jacket. They hand me another.  
"Josh and Isabella," I mumble and open it. It was a picture of Austin and I on my couch. It was in a cute frame. I show it to Austin. He smiled and hands me the next gift.  
"Iris," I say with a smile. I open it to another box. I groan and open that one. It was hair dye and Mac n cheese. I laugh as they hand me another one.  
"The band," I open the box to a bunch of vinyls. One caught my eye, WAIT A MINUTE!  
"OUR CD BECAME A VINYL?" I ask loudly.  
"YES!" York says back loudly.  
"HOW?" I question.  
"It was a surprise gift from Rise Records," Eli says calmly.  
"That's amazing," I say. They hand me the last gift.  
"Austin," I say as I look at him with a smile. I open the box to find a small Tiffany’s box inside. My breath hitches in my throat. I pick it up and my hands were shaky. I look over at him. I open it. It was just a beautiful necklace. I hold it up to show the girls. They squeak. Austin helps put it on me. I thank him and we share a kiss. I thank everyone for my gifts. We get talk and I put up my gifts in my room. Austin helps me.

"I thought that the Tiffany’s box had a um a thing," I make a gesture that looks like I'm sliding a ring on my finger.  
"No…no. It's way to soon," Austin says with a nod.  
"I was worried. I mean yeah it's way to soon," I say, "We still have our dysfunctions."  
"Dysfunctions?"  
"Yeah, dysfunctions. We still aren't in sync or something else."  
"Something else?"  
"In love."  
"We aren't in love? Well, I'm in love with you. You aren't in love with me?"  
"I don't know...I’m not sure. I haven't felt that way in a long time."  
"Can you at least tell me you're falling in love with me?"  
"No, because I'm not sure."  
“What the hell am I doing here then?”  
“I don’t know, but I know I need you. You are my better half. You keep me happy.”  
“Well, I don’t feel like you need me.”  
”I do need you. Can we not do this today?”  
“Okay, fine. We’ll talk about this when people leave.”  
“Okay, thank you.”

I have had crappier birthdays. Austin was making this a tiny bit better of a birthday. He pulls me into a small kiss. I kiss him back gently. We walk back into the living room, where everyone is conversing.

“Look who is back,” Alan says with a little laugh.  
“Hey, shut up, nothing happened,” Austin says.

We go and converse with everyone else. We act like we never had that small fight in my bedroom. Once it hit about noon, Isabella and Josh were going to go out to get some Jimmy Johns for everyone and scoop out a good club. Knowing Isabella though, it’s going to be the club that she works at, which means she’ll be DJing at the club. She’ll technically be working on my birthday. It wouldn’t be the first time. We’re all old enough to be in the club legally now, so fuck it. I took out my phone and sent Isabella a text.

I know you are going to pick the club you work out. I am allowing it, and you can DJ if you want. I’m totally cool with it.

A few moments go by.

I wasn’t going to, but that is good to know. I just want your first time to be safe.

I just smile at my phone before putting it in my pocket. We’d all agree at showering at once. I am pretty sure Iris and Alan, York and Lexi, Simon and Hope were going to shower together. I am also pretty sure Iris and Alan has fun night last night. Austin has never seen me naked. I was scared to be naked around him, it’s the scars that liter my body that makes me uncomfortable in my own skin. I was probably going to shower first, because I shower faster than Austin and I take longer to get ready. I was just going to after everyone, because I like hot water while showering. We stayed talking with everyone till their shower time. Austin and I were the last ones. I turn to face him. Austin kept looking at me.

“Before lunch sex?” He asks.  
“How classy,” I comment.  
“Well, I want to tonight, but I don’t want to do drunk sex with you,” He mumbles.  
“But, I am not in the mood,” I state.  
“Well, maybe we should shower together…,” He starts.  
“No!” I say loudly to cut him off.  
“Baby, I’ve seen and felt most of your scars,” He says.  
“Fine,” I mumble.  
“I love you,” He says as he kisses my forehead.  
“I love you too,” I say quietly.

He kisses my lips gently. I kiss his lips back gently. He pulls away. It was finally our turn to shower. Austin and I go to the bathroom. We both stripe. I felt Austin’s eye on me. I felt a bit uncomfortable. I was going to get over that. I look over at him. My eyes try their hardest to not wonder to Austin’s AHEM…area. I lean up and kiss him. He kisses me back gently. I pull away and turn on the water. It was warm, thank God. We both step in. We kiss again and Austin pins me up against the wall of the shower. My arms wrap around his neck. He hoists me up, so I can wrap my legs around his waist. His tongue traces my bottom lip, that I opened my lips. His tongue slides into my mouth. Our tongues tangle together. I let out a small moan. His lips curl up into a smirk. I pull away and I just nod.

“What do you mean?” He asks.  
“Go for it. I am all yours,” I answer.  
“I don’t have a condom,” He mumbles.  
“I don’t care, just pull out before hand,” I say and kiss him gently.  
“I’ll try,” He mumbles as he kiss me back.

We continue kissing. My fingers tangle in his hair. He pulls away from the kiss with a questioning look on his face. I nod at him. His one hand gently cradles the side of my face as he tilts his head, leaning in to press his lips against my neck biting down as I moan out remembering we aren't alone I flush a little, trying to stay as quiet as possible. My heart and mind racing as I felt him at my neck, each nerve lighting up with fire as his hands moved, caressing my body. Pulling back I looked at him, resting my hands on his shoulders as I lifted my hips against his, his facial features changing, his eyes filling with lust, a subtle change signifying his need. I needed him too. I had never been willing to give myself to someone but I loved him, right? I do love him and he loves me. Leaning in I brushed my lips against his ear, muttering out I love you softly as his hands found their way to my chest, my nipples growing hard under his touch while I struggled to keep silent. My body flushed as I heard him mumble out you're so beautiful before he crashed his lips against mine with a new intensity, I tightened my legs around his waist as his hands trailing down my sides cupping my ass. lifting my hips as he looked at me again to see if my mind had changed. I nod him to continue. He slowly slides himself into me. I let out a low moan. He slowly start moving his hips into mine as he thrust. I let out tiny moans till I beg him to go faster. He obeys my command and moves faster. He filled me up perfectly. I moan out. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I moan his name quietly. His breath is nothing but moans. We stay like this for a few minutes before he starts whining that he’s close. I was close to my release. Austin said he’d pull out, but I wanted to release first. I kiss him gently as I moan loudly, forgetting that there is other people, and I forced my orgasm and released. I felt lust full as I finished. Austin had to quickly pull out. I take his length into my mouth as he releases into it and down my throat. I swallowed what I could. He didn’t taste very good. I should feed him pineapple. He had leaned up against the wall after I moved from in front of him. I spit out the rest right into the drain.  
“I love you,” I say.  
“I love you too,” He says back.

We kiss then actually showered. The water was a bit colder now. I didn’t mind. We finished up our shower and got ready. I heard the door opening, which meant Isabella and Josh just got back. I got dressed quickly. I put up my hair up in a ponytail. Austin got read quickly. We walked downstairs and into the kitchen. We find our sandwiches and join the people in the living room. I sit by Lexi, Hope, Iris, and Isabella. I eat my sandwich, thank God it was washing down the taste of Austin. I wasn’t going to tell them, till like they were about to leave. Austin had gone and sat with the gentlemen.  
 “GOOD FOR YOU BIRDY,” Alan says loudly. I am going to stab Austin. I shot Alan a look.  
“What?” Iris says.  
“Nothing, nothing,” Alan says. He must of saw me glare at him earlier.  
“What is Alan congratulating you on?” Lexi asks.  
“Nothing,” I mumble.  
“Bull shit,” Isabella says, “Tell us!”  
“Later, like at the club,” I say.  
“Okay, that is fair,” Hope says.

I excuse myself and walk over to the guy group. I sit on Austin’s lap for a second.  
 “Not the first time she’s done that today,” Josh says with a small smirk on his face.  
“You told them?” I ask Austin.  
“I told Alan. I texted Tino, Phil, and Aaron,” Austin defends.  
“Alan has a big mouth,” Simon says.

I groan and walk back over to the girls. We finish eating. The guys had started to watch the game. I was on the floor with my laptop on my legs. I was typing. The girls where watching the game. Isabella was next to me. We were exchanging notes about shipping our boyfriends as I typed the story. The game had ended. We were just trying to kill time till the party at the club. It was at 7pm and It’s only 3pm. Austin and I had ended up back in my bedroom, exchanging silva. His hands were all over me. I didn’t mind. I was worried about him touching my scars on my stomach.

Austin pulled away a bit heavy breathed, “Let…me…see them.”  
“See what?” I ask innocently.  
“All your scars,” He states.  
“I am not ready for that,” I say quietly, “Besides you already saw them in the shower.”  
“There too much steam and the scars were not my top priority,” He defends.  
“Fine,” I mutter.

With that I lifted up my shirt as I shed it off. My upper arms, the few on my hands, the couple i had on my chest, my stomach, and the few on the back I managed was exposed to him. He took me in. I felt his eyes scanning over my body. He stared extra hard at a spot because his crow’s feet showed and his eyes squinted.

“Do you have some on your boobs?” He asks.  
“Yeah,” I say quietly.  
“Let me see,” He states.

With that, I removed my bra. The outer sides were covered and so was the underside. I knew he had felt those one in the shower.

“Baby,” He says quietly as he looks them. I decided he had enough looking, so I put on my bra and my shirt.  
“You’ve had enough looking,” I say.  
“I want to see your hips and legs,” He asks.  
“No,” I say firmly, “You are done.”

He let’s out a tiny sigh. We go back to the living room. The girls were watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I join them. The other guys were outside and this were Austin joined them.  
 “Can I marry Kylie?” I ask.  
“No KoKo all the way,” Iris states.  
“This is dumb. And I’d marry Kourtney. She is the only pretty one,” Isabella says.  
“We’d have to share Kylie,” Lexi says.  
“No, fuck you,” I say with a smile.  
“I’d marry Kourtney too,” Hope says.  
“Have her,” Isabella says with a laugh.

We watched and laughed. A few of us mumbled out “same” or “tbh”

Before leaving we decide to have cake. It was red velvet and cream cheese frosting. They sang ‘Happy Birthday’ and I blew out the candles. We ate cake, which was so damn good. I loved it. It was so yummy. I was ready to go party my ass off now.

~PARTY TIME~

We get to the club. The music is thumping loudly. I loved it, it was like being at a concert. Alan ordered a round of shots for everyone in our little group. I groan as Alan hands me one.

“Bottoms up,” I mumble as I drink the shot then cough a little. Everyone cheered then took a round of shots done. Austin ordered beer for himself. I ordered the same beer. He looks at me like I am a small child, which I am not. It’s my first time drinking ever. I take a sip of beer. It went down like piss. It burned and taste gross. I hand it over to Austin.

I leaned in close, “It taste like piss.”  
“You’ll get use to it,” he urges as he hands me the bottle back.

I shrug and take another sip. It didn’t taste as bad. I went on the dance floor and danced in my little wedges. Lexi had curled my hair. Isabella found me a cute dress. Hope attacked my face with make-up. I looked nice and girly for once. We had taken plenty of selfies which I had to tweet one.

@PhoeEllaDeath: I look so pretty for my birthday party tonight. Thank you guys for the wishes. :* pic.twit.com/as34gr50

We took more selfies as the party went on. Isabella was DJing. I took a lot of Austin and I. I kissed him in one of them. I was in love with the man. I didn’t drink that much. It took me forever to finish the beer. I also had another shot. I felt a little tipsy. Thank God we got a cab. I was on the dance floor with Austin. We were dancing and having fun. He obviously have had more to drink then I have. He’s a heavier drinker than I ever will be. I pull away from him and go to the car. I order a shot and drink that. I pay the tab for my shot and beer. I go back to Austin who was waiting for me. We start to dance again. Josh was up with Isabella. Iris and Alan were on a grinding train. York and Hope were dancing like Austin and I. Elijah and Spencer were dancing with some random chicks. Simon and Lexi were also with Iris and Alan. I was having a blast. I might not drink, but clubs are fun. By the time it was 10pm. I was tired and Austin was smashed. Alan and Iris were both smashed. Lexi, Hope, Isabella were exhausted. Josh, Elijah, Simon, York, and Spencer were tired and whiny drunks. We managed to get everyone a cab back to my place. I took care of Austin. We get in the house last. I had payed the driver. He was groping my ass. I push him off. I got him in the bed, a bucket, and took off his pants and shirt. I kiss his head as I managed to slide out of the room. I walk outside and sat down on my porch in my bare feet and my hair up. I smoked a cigarette. Isabella sits next to me.

“Happy 21st,” She says.  
“Thank you,” I say.

I finish my cigarette and we go inside. We split into our rooms. I change out my dress and bra. I slide on his shirt that i love. I snuggled up against my drunk, alcohol smelling Austin. This was the best birthday ever.


	17. Chapter 17

Everyone was gone, it’s just Austin and I in my big house. Oh, Tux is here, thank God I managed to talk Alan out of taking my cat from me.

I hear the door get knocked on. I walk to the door and look through the peep hole. It’s a delivery man. I open the door. I sign the package. I take the package from the guy. We exchanged nice sayings and I walk back inside. It was a box from my parents. I close the door. I walk into the living room and open the package. I opened it to see it was my wedding planner I started when I was fifteen. There was a note that stated:  
 ‘Dear Phoenix,  
This is for you. There is a special something in the back your father and I got for you. We love you. Happy 21st Birthday Baby Girl.  
Love,  
Mom.’

I smile and put the note back in the box. I pull out the wedding planner book. I flip to the last page. I find a small box and I open it to find my grandmother’s pearls. Holy crap, grandma’s pearls? I take them out and put them on. I walk back to the kitchen, where Austin was, making us some weird burrito. Austin looks up at me.

“Those are nice pearls,” He speaks.  
“Thank you, they belonged to my grandmother before she passed away,” I answer back.  
“Who gave them to you?” He asks, turning his attention back to cooking.  
“My parents. They also sent me my wedding planner,” I reply, biting my lip at my words.  
“Wedding Planner?” Austin asks as he looks at me.  
I release my lips before speaking, “I was fifteen. It’s what all fifteen year old girls do. We plan out our dream wedding,” I defend myself.  
“Girls are so weird,” He states.  
“You cannot live without us though,” I say with a smile.  
“We can, just can’t procreate,” Austin says.  
“You’d take Alan up the butt all day every day?” I ask with a straight face.  
“Yes, I would. He’s the only other person I love. Maybe Tino as well, but not at the same time,” Austin answers with a smug look on his face.  
“I hate you,” I mumble.  
“You love me,” He says.  
“I do,” I say with a sigh.

He hands me a burrito and urges me to take a bite. I take a bite, holy shit, culinary orgasm. I loved it. I take another bite. I swallow my bite and mumble out ‘Thank you, this is so good’ I walk off to my living room, taking a bite as I flip through my wedding planner. The Plaza, white and red, fluffy dress with a red ribbon, red and white roses, red bride maids dresses, and stupid matching high heels. I ruffle my hair back as I finish my burrito. I hadn't even noticed that Austin sat next to me. I knew he saw most of the stuff.   
“I love the rings,” He says with a gross cheesey smile  
“Of course you do! It’s Star Wars,” I say.  
“You’re my Princess Leia. I am Han Solo,” He says, his smiling staying.  
“You’re so cute, I really kind of hate you.”  
“You really kind of love me.”  
“Do I? Do I really?”  
“Yes, you do.”  
“Mmmm, I do.”

We share a small kiss. His lips tasted like the burrito he made. It was good, not as spicy as I would like, but whatever.

“Can we go out drinking tonight?” Austin asks.  
“Um, you can,” I say.  
“You’re only going out drinking once since you turn 21?” He questions.  
“I’ll get some Jack Daniels and drink here. Public intoxication isn’t attractive,” I answer.  
“Well, but, I want to have fun out in public with you,” He says.  
“Austin, we can go have fun in public but I don’t want to drink. We can go to clubs, but I am not drinking,” I say. “We should go to club tonight then.”  
“That’s fine, but promise you will not drink too much.”  
“But, fine. I want you to be happy.”  
“God forbid you make your girlfriend happy.”  
“Babe, don’t be like this.”

I just roll my eyes, and walk upstairs to my room. He’s been a bit of an ass the longer he is here, the longer we are together. I don’t want this to end yet. I never want this to end. God, I am fucking this up! Why do I push people away?

“Babe,” I hear Austin after he knocks, “I am sorry.”  
“Go away,” I say quietly.  
“Why do we fight so much?” He asks quietly.  
I sigh and get up. I open the door, “Because we are getting out of our honeymoon stage. But everything is creating problems between us. I don’t know maybe just…” “Just what?” He questions me.  
“Just…need to break up. Maybe we aren't suppose to make it.”

He just shakes his head and walks out of my room. I then hear the front door open and it closes. I get up and pull myself to my bathroom. I open the small window in there. I fill up my tub and grab my cigarettes. I crawl into the tub, also I light up my cigarette. I stay in the tub for about three cigarettes. I chain smoked the three. I usually don’t chain smoke them, ever. Austin is just stressing me out. I slide back down in the tub to cover my mouth. I breathe out my nose and look down at my body. I hear the front door open after a bit. I decide to get out and wrap myself up in a towel. I unplug the tub and I make my way downstairs. I find Austin in the kitchen. He’s making food of some sort.  
 “I got you something, it’s on the table,” He mumbles  
“Thank you?” I say as I go to the table. I open the bag. It was a few packs of Camels Number 9 and a new lighter. He knows me so well.  
“I know those are your favorite and I know you needed a new lighter.” “What are you making?” I ask. “Just some food, don’t worry.”  
“Alright babe.” I say.  
“We are going to talk about this whilst we eat.”  
“Austin, I love you so much but, I am tired of fighting over something small.”  “I love you too. I am also tired of fighting, but we just ned to work through it.” “Or break up.” “Do you really want to break up?” “No, but I can’t stand this.”  
“I can’t either.”  
“So, what should we do?”  
Austin sighs and looks at me, “I think we should try, honestly try.”  
“We should, I agree.”  
“I love you, so much Phoenix.” “I love you too Austin, so much.”

He hands me a plate with food. I take it and look at him. I don’t question it. He seems to make more food then I would have ever guessed. My phone chimes. I look at it.

Hey, Can we come over today. We have song ideas and pump them out before they leave our brains.  
I quickly reply. Yeah! Come on by!  
A quick reply back On Our Way!

“I have clients coming in soon,” I say.  
“Clients?” Austin asks.  
“Yeah, I produce music. Remember?” I answer.  
“Oh, yeah,” He says and smiles.

We eat, well, more like I inhale and he took his sweet ass time. I went to my studio to just set everything up for the guys. I then go back to the dinning room, where Austin was, taking a small last bite and looking at his phone.

“You get to meet Tidal Spectrum.” I say.  
“Who?” He asks.  
“It was some local band back when we use to live in New Mexico,” I say.  
“Huh, alright,” He smiles.

I hear a knock on my door and smile. I walk to the front door; I check myself in the small mirror by the door. I open the door and see Kelso, Luth, JD, and JD’s girlfriend Ava.

“Hi guys, come on in. Long time no see,” I greet as they walk in.  
“Hi Phoe,” Luth and Kelso say.  
“Hey Phoenix,” Ava and JD says.  
Austin walks over to us with a smile, “I am Austin,” He says with a smile.  
“Austin Carlile, Austin?” Luth asks.  
“The one and only,” Austin answers and put his arm around my waist.  
“Kick ass!” Luth says.  
“Babe could you get them some snacks and drinks please,” I ask Austin.  
“Yeah I can,” He says and kisses my lips. I kiss him back then he pulls away.  
“Thank you boo,” I say as he walks away. I turn my attention on them, “Follow me!”

They follow me to the studio, which was down the hall, but Luth asked a million questions.  
 Luth: “How did you met him?” Me: “The first time or the time before we got together?”  
Luth: “The time you guys got together.”  
Me: “Uh, we were touring together on the Kissing The Reaper Tour. He liked me and I always liked him and things just happened. Dates, first kiss, all that gross cheesy stuff. He’s staying with me for month before we decide to move in together.”  
“You guys going to get married?” Kelso asks.

We get to the studio and I open the door as I mutter ‘In’. Austin comes to the door a few seconds later an goes in. I follow Austin in. I am pretty sure Austin heard that. It’s a big house with not a lot in it, shit echoes. Austin puts the snacks and drinks on the table and kisses my cheek going back to the living room to watch TV, no doubt.

“Alright, what are we going to track first?” I ask JD.  
“Uh, guitar I suppose, then bass, then drums, then vocals,” JD suggests.  
“Let’s do bass first, it’s easier. Get in there Luth,” I say.  
“Yes ma’am,” Luth says.

I always set up my studio for bass first.

“You never answered if Austin and you are going to get married,” Kelso points out.  
“We are, eventually,” I grumble as I start the program.

We start to do the music. Luth kick ass at doing his bass. Kelso does amazing on his drums. JD records his vocals and his guitar. Ava did some small guest vocals. Luth also did vocals. They aren’t that bad as they make it seem. I met them back before I graduated high school. I promised them that I would produce a record for them. We finished up this song and by the time they left and I did a bit of editing, it was 5pm. I found Austin asleep on the couch. I grin at him before shaking his leg gently.  
 “Austin dear,” I say softly.  
“Mmmm,” Austin mumbles as he turns over.  
“Babe, do you want food?” I ask.  
“I want a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich,” He whines.  
“I’m not driving into the city for food.”  
“I wannnnnnt like cereal too.” “There is some in the kitchen.”

I walk off to the kitchen. I make myself a sandwich. Turkey and Chedder with mayo and sour creme and onion chips, the best sandwich ever. I open a tea. I drink it and I eat. Half way through my eating, Austin comes and sits with me with a bowl of Lucky Charms.

“So, did they get a song or two done?” Austin asks.  
“They recorded a song. It was a long time because they didn’t know how they wanted the song to sound. They also were excited to meet you, well to see your face,” I answer.  
“How did you meet them?” Austin continues the small talk.  
“We met in high school actually and I promised them that one day that I’ll record one of their albums,” I say.  
“That’s pretty awesome!”  
“Yeah, they are awesome guys.”

We finish eating then I clean up. Austin had crawled into bed. I was pretty tired myself. I crawled into bed next to him. He kisses my neck gently.  
 “Noooo, I am too tired.”  
“Babbbbbbe, so am I, but.”  
“Tomorrow Aussie I promise.”  
“Okay babe.”

 We both ended up falling asleep about 5 minutes later.


	18. Chapter 18

I wake up and move Austin’s arm from around me. I get out of bed. I walk into the kitchen. I feed Tux, he keeps meowing at me. I kiss his head then I walk back to the bedroom. Austin is sprawled out on the bed. I get back on the bed. I crawl under the sheets. I pull down his boxers. I took his morning wood in my hand. I dip my head down, wrapping my lips around the head. I suck gently. I feel him throb in my mouth and his hand slide into my hair. I bob my head up and down as I feel is dick throb in my mouth. I pump him as I suck. Noises slips from his mouth, I can’t help but smirk. His back curves up, as I keep my head going. As I keep my head bobbing, I hear a faint “I’m going to come.” I keep my head bobbing and he releases his load into my mouth. I move my mouth from his dick. I crawl up back up. I get up and go to the bathroom and spit into the sink. It taste sort of gross. Austin was smirk as I got up. I brush my teeth to get the taste out of my mouth. I go back to the bedroom. I lay with Austin.

“Thank you,” He mumbles.  
“You don’t have to thank me,” I say quietly.  
“I love you,” Austin whispers.  
“I love you too,” I whisper back, “Make me food.”  
“What do you want?”  
“Mmmm just like some bacon and eggs.”  
“Okay, I can do that.”  
“Thank you babe.”

Austin gets up and fix his boxers. I laugh as I sit up. I love him. He’s got a cute morning look to him. He comes back with food about 15 minute. He puts the plates on the bed side table. He sits with me and hands me a plate. We eat and I end up curled up in his side.

“I love you,” I say quietly.  
“I love you too,” He says.  
“Is this working, like you living with me?” I ask quietly.  
“I think it is,” Austin answers.  
“You just like that I woke you up with a blow job,” I mumble.  
“Well, it was a plus. However, I love you with all my heart. I mean it. One day we are going to get married and have a successful marriage,” Austin says seriously.  
“You promise?” I ask quietly.  
“With all my heart baby girl,” He answers with a small kiss getting pressed on my lips.  
“I love you so much,” I say.  
“I love you too so much,” Austin says, “I have to go back to LA tomorrow for a bit.” “Why?” “I have an appointment with my hear doctor.” “Can I go with you? I could visit my folks.”  
“Yes babe you can. I’ll get you a ticket.”  
“Okay, baby. I need to text Isabella to see if she can watch Tux.”

He gets his phone from the bedside table on his side. I grab mine from the bedside table on my side. I send Isabella a text.

Super Short Notice!!!: Can you watch Tux starting tomorrow till…whenever we get back from LA. Austin has an appointment with his heart doctor and I want to go with him.

But JoshyPooh is going tour and I am going with him :c Ask Iris.  
I text Iris real quick text.

Super Short Notice!!!: Can you watch Tux starting tomorrow till…whenever we get back from LA. Austin has an appointment with his heart doctor and I want to go with him.

Iris texted me back after a bit.

Yes babe I can. c: Just let me know when y’all are coming back.

Austin had pulled out hip laptop and had the tickets pulled up.

“Where can I print?” He asks.  
“Down in the studio,” I answer.  
“Alright, I will be right back,” Austin says as he gets up. He walks out.

I get up and grab my stuff to shower. I walk out to my bathroom. I start the shower and shed my clothes. I feel the water and feel it get warmer. I get in. I feel the warm water hit my skin. I stood under the stream, enjoying the warmth. I open my eyes and see Austin step in. I just smile. He smiles back, switching out positions. I could feel his soft brown eyes scan over my body. He takes in all my scars and the tattoos that I have littering my body. I lean in and kiss him. His hands rests on my hips. He kisses me back. I knew where this was leading and I was okay with it. We kiss and Austin manages to pin me against the wall. He lifts me up and I wrap legs around his waist. He pulls away gently.

“Are you sure?” He asks.  
“Yes, I am sure,” I answer, “Just pull out before you…”  
“Okay babe,” He says as he kisses my lips gently.

I kiss him as one of his hands slide down to my pussy. He rubs my clit gently, which causes me to moan quietly against his lips and my back arches a bit. I could feel his smirk against my lip. He continues to rub my clit. I continue to moan into his mouth. Soon his hand leaves my clit, and then I feel him fill me up perfectly. I let out a small moan. He thrusts and I fill up the bathroom with my moans. Repetitive motion, feeling of lust, moans and groans are the soundtrack. It was so good. I make a small whining as he continues, his name slipping my lip. I tilt my head back and my back arches. I moan loudly as I release around his member. He thrusts out my orgasm, which was just long enough for his happen. He pulls out and I get down on my knees. I quickly wrap my lips around his tip, sucking hard then slowly bobbing my head. This was enough to send him over the edge. I feel his salty release. My hand wraps around the base, giving a few pumps so he can ride out his orgasm. He soon removes me from his mouth. I quickly spit the semen into the drain. He pulls me up and kisses my lips gently. I kiss him back gently. We actually shower now. Austin cleans me and I clean him. We get out and wrap ourselves in our towels. We dry off and walk into the bedroom. Austin was kissing my neck gently, I knew he wanted more. I knew secret that I was his newest addiction. He didn’t say it, but surely acted like it.

“Mmm, Austin in a minute,” I mumble.  
“Okay,” He says simply.  
 I pulled my hair into a pony tail and I get on the bed, making the ‘come here’ motion at him. He gets on the bed. We kiss gently. He manages to pin me against the bed in a dominate way, which was pretty damn hot. He pulls away from the kiss.  
 “Condoms?” He asks.  
“Bedside table,” I answer.

He hurries to it and pulls open the drawer. He grabs one and close the drawer. He opens it and slides it on. We kiss again, this time there was passion. I loved it. He lifts my leg to spread them then he slides in. I moan quietly when he slides in. Our hands find each other and we laces our fingers together. He starts his thrust and I start to moan gently. I close my eyes as I moan more. Repetitive motion, feeling of lust, moans and groans are the soundtrack. I am his addiction. He is mine. I moan loudly as I feel an overwhelming amount of pleasure. My back arches and my hands grip on to his tightly. I moan his name. I release around the latex. It more intense this time around. He continues to thrust, so I can ride out my orgasm. As soon as mine ended his began, one deep thrust, which earned a moan from me, as he held his position, groans leaving his lips. His hips thrust a bit from time to time, riding out his orgasm. He slowly pulls out. I open my eyes as I look at him. He just looks back at me. That felt like love making. This was a whole new step in our relationship. He knew it. He leans back as he pulls off the condom. He ties it close, getting up, and throw it away in the waste bin. I slowly get off the bed. I slip on my boy short underwear and a bra that sort of matches. I throw on a crop top and a pair of skinny jeans. He slides on boxers and a Slip Knot shirt. He slides on his skinnies jean and socks.

“I love you,” I say as I walk to him.  
“I love you too,” He says as he wraps his arms around me.  
I toss my arms around his neck, “There was passion in that last kiss, in that last sex round. Like a lot of passion.”  
“Yeah, I know. It was amazing,” He says as he looks down at me.  
“I loved it and I love you,” I say was I curl into his chest, inhaling his deodorant of Old Spice.  
“I did too babe. I love you too,” He hums and pulls me close to him.  
 We let go and Austin goes off to the kitchen. I grabbed the dishes from breakfast and go to the kitchen. I load up the dish washer. I start the dish washer. I jump on the counter as Austin makes a sandwich.  
 “Make me one?” I ask with a pout.  
“This is so backwards, but sure,” He answers before finish making his sandwich.  “Thank you babe,” I say with a smile. “No problem love,” He says as he starts my sandwich.

I watch him make my sandwich I am a bit anal about my sandwiches. Mayo, meat, cheese, mayo, then chips in the middle. I watch him make my sandwich they way I like it. Wow, he knows me so well. He hands me my sandwich. He gets up next to me. We eat peacefully. I attempt small talk.

“When do we leave tomorrow?” I ask. “About 10am. So, be ready by then and we’ll take a taxi into Philly,” He replies.  
“The best place to fly into is Baltimore,” I say.  
“Well. the tickets are from Philly to LA,” He states.  
“Just so you know for next time babe,” I remark.  
“Alright, I’ll do that next time,” He says.  
“Cool,” I say with a smile.

We finish eating. I volunteer to do laundry. Austin and I both have a lot of darks so sorting was easy. Austin was watching sports, baseball I believe. I sat with him, I was enjoying this so much. It was comfortable. He slide his arm around me. I reach for the remote.  
 “No,” He says and he gently smacks my hand. “But…” I pout at him, “I need to get my fill of the Kardashians.”  
“The game is almost over,” He informs me with his own pout.  
“Fine meanie,” I say as I climb into his lap.  
“Meanie Austin, thats me,” He says.  
 I take out my phone and take a picture of him and I. I post it to Twitter.

@PhoeEllaDeath: Austin the Meanie. Won’t let me watch the Kardashians. :c @AustinCarlile pic.twit.com/fd81pg59

I hear Austin’s phone chime. I just smile as he checks it.

@AustinCarlile: @PhoeEllaDeath Baseball > Kardashians. #Fact

“I hate you,” I mumble.  
“You do not, you love me,” He says with a smile.  
“Forever and ever baby,” I say with a smile.

I get up and walk to the washer dryer room. I throw everything from the washer and into the dryer. Everything is in the dryer. I decide to call my mom real quick.  
 “Hello?” Mom says when she answers. “Hey mom, I’m coming into town tomorrow,” I say.  
“Oh great, I’ll clean up,” Mom says.  
“I’ll probably stay at Austin’s for the week.”  
“Alright baby, but we’ll clean up the guess room just in case.” “Thanks mom. Austin and I will drop by after his heart appointment.”  
“Okay, baby. We will see you then.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too baby girl.”  
“Bye mom.”  
“Buh-bye baby.”

I hang up and walk back into the living room. I sit with Austin. I notice on the TV that E! Network was on and Kardashians. He’s seriously the best. I move into his lap.

“You are amazing,” I say with a smile.  
“You are,” Austin says sweetly.

We watch about two episodes before I get up and finish up the laundry. I bring the basket back to the living room. Austin and I folded the clothes. I was too busy watching to actually fold decently. We finish folding and then we pack up our clothes.


	19. Chapter 19

Arriving in Los Angeles, I am tired as shit. Austin got our bags. Austin had texted Tino to come pick us before we took off. We are waiting outside. I am snuggled into Austin’s side. Soon a car pull in front of us. A smiling Tino pops out of the car and so does a very pretty Abigail. I let go of Austin and go hug Abigail. She looked so pretty and I have half ass make up and stupid shorts and shirt. We get our bags in the back of Tino’s car. Austin called shotgun. Tino and him high-fives.

“This is my life,” Abigail says as she lets out a small laugh.  
“Can’t wait for this to be my life,” I say back to her with a small laugh.

We all get in the car. Tino and Austin blast Slipknot all the way Austin’s house. Abigail and I just made small talk. The guys obviously forgot we were back here and closer to the car speakers. We get to Austin’s house.  
 “Casa de Carlile,” Tino says as he pulls up into the empty drive way. Austin had a garage, that clearly his car was in.  
“Looks nice,” I say.  
“It’s no five thousand bedroom two story ranch with millions of acres of land,” Austin says.  
“Sometimes simple is nicer,” I say, “It gets lonely.”  
“Why is your house so big?” Tino asks.  
“Because I have a recording studio in it and rooms for every member who does recording with me,” I answer with a small laugh.  
“Sounds lovely,” Abigail says with a small smile.  
“I take care of my boys, and sometimes girls,” I comment.  
 We all get out. Tino took all the bags and Austin unlocked his house. Abigail and I stayed outside. I told her after the boys got ahead of us that I was nervous about this week. I took out my phone to send a tweet to calm my nerve.  
 @PhoeEllaDeath: Hello Beautiful LA. Hello Beautiful People. I am here to fuck shit up.

We walk in after I slide my phone into my carry on bag that was still around me. Abigail and I were making small talk once we walked in.  
 “Welcome to your new home baby for the week,” Austin says and takes my hand.  
“See you later right?” Tino says with a smile.  
“Of course, we’ll get beers and catch up,” Austin answers. “I’ll be staying here, I guess,” I say quietly.  
“Bye guys,” Abigail says with a smile.  
“Bye,” Austin and I say at the same time.

Abigail and Tino share a quick kiss then they leave. Austin automatically shows me around. First was the living room, he explains that this was mostly used for is entertainment purposes. Then it was the kitchen then the dining room. He explains that we doesn’t really eat in there unless his dad was over. He then shows him to his room, saying that it’s technically our room, unless I want to sleep in the guest room. I told him I was going to sleep in ‘our’ room, whether he likes it or not. This earned a smile. He shows the bathroom and the linen closet. He also says there’s another bathroom that’s down the hall. He shows me his little loft area, it’s set up for like movies and video games. His N64 sitting there out in the open. I shake my head at his childishness. It was amazing to think this is going to be my home for the next week. I love him so this must work. I was scared shitless, because I mean he is here for a doctors appointment. I hope he doesn’t mind me being here. He pulls me outside to his little patio. It over looks the ocean. Damn, this is so amazing. Only thing is, is that I would never give up my ranch home for this. My heart belonged on the east coast but his on the west coast. We end up back in the bedroom and we unpack. Well, I unpack after Austin clears out a few drawers for me. We end up snuggling in bed.

“Aus?” I ask quietly. “Yes love?” He answers.  
“Would you move out to the East Coast for me?” I question, “Like don’t get me wrong California is beautiful, but, I can’t see myself living here, ever.”  
“I don’t know. I can’t see myself living anywhere but here,” Austin says.  
“What are we going to do? I mean eventually we’ll move in together. I can’t just abandoned everything I built in Pennsylvania. I love you so much, but…” I start.  
“Whoa, cool it babe. Listen we’ll just do these commutes and when one of us is on tour the other will stay in their assorted coast. Yeah, it’ll be rough, but…we’ll make this work. I love you too much to make this not work. Alright?”  
“Okay…you should get ready, you’re going out with Tino in a few.” “Come with?”  
“I don’t want to drink.” “I didn’t say you had to drink, just come along. I know Alan will be there. The guys will be there with their girlfriends.”  
“Okay, fine. I am going to get changed.”

I get up and pull out a nice shirt and some skinny jeans. I’ll admit I brought way more than a week worth of clothes. I slip on my shoes and shove my phone and wallet into my pocket. Austin gets ready as I decide curl my hair.  
 “Alan is going to swing by to pick us up,” Austin says with a smile.  
I smile at the thought of seeing my ginger bestie, “Awesome, Shot gun…by the way.” “Why do you get shot gun?” Austin asks. “Alan is my gingy bestie and I called it so,” I say with a triumphant smile on my face.  
“Okay, okay, fine.” Austin gives in.

Soon or later, Alan finally knocks. I answer the door and we both embrace in a tight hug screaming “KITTY!” and “BIRDIE!” Austin stands and watch us, shaking his head. Alan and I finally let go. We get in the car and get to the bar, well its more of a restaurant-y bar. All the guys got beers and the girls got girly drinks. The guys are standing around the bar, talking.

“So how are things with Austin?” Anouk asks me.  
“It’s pretty great. We have a bit of an issue I guess,” I answer with a small nod.  
“What the issue doll?” Abigail asks.  
“Well, I live in Pennsylvania and Austin lives out here. I don’t see myself living out here. He can’t see himself living in Pennsylvania. One day I would love to live with him. It just blows that I honestly can’t see this relationship going any further,” I say as I take a sip of my grasshopper drink. I’m enjoying the mint.  
“Doll, it’ll be okay. Don’t worry. I believe that you two have a strong relationship. Y’all will work it off,” Anouk says with a smile.  
“You guys can do it, you guys did the a month before he went to visit you. You guys will be fine,” Abigail says.  
“But, I don’t know,” I say with a small sigh.  
“Positive babe,” Anouk and Abigail both say at the same time.

Austin walks over, “Babe, I love you.” He kisses my cheek.  
“I love you too,” I say as I lean over and kiss his cheek back.

He walks back over to the guys. His breathe reeked a small amount like alcohol.  
 “What’s that about?” Abigail asks.  
“Uh..I’m not sure. He probably feels bad for dragging me out here, when he knows that I hate him getting drunk,” I say with a small smile.  
“At least he cares,” Anouk says with a smile.  
“We need to talk about the living thing though. He suggests that we keep our houses and just go back and forth,” I say.  
“Well, baby, that might be the best thing,” Anouk says.  
“Just cool out baby girl, just know that he’s obviously staying around for a long time,” Abigail says.

We went back to drinking. It’s been a long night of the guys drinking. I am a light weight so i feel too tipsy to drive us home. I guess we’re all taking a cab home.


	20. Chapter 20

Austin is up bright and early for his doctor’s appointment. He and I shower together, get dressed, and head out to his doctor appointment. He’s driving his touareg. I am sitting snug in the passenger seat.

“I am gonna call my parents when we get there and see if they want to do lunch or something,” I say.  
“Okay baby,” Austin says and nod.  
 We get to his doctors. He goes in and get check and I stand outside, talking to my parents.  
 “Hi dear,” My mom says as she answers.  
“Hey Mom,” I say with a small sigh.  
“So, dear, how are things with Austin?” My mom asks.  
My dad speaks up loudly, “Do I have to kick his ass?”  
“What? No dad! We are just trying to work on the living situation because I want to live with him, but neither one of us want to move, it’s complicated,” I answer.  
“Well, honey, sometimes you have to make sacrifices if he’s the one, you know?” My mom chimes in.  
“But, I can’t leave what I built up in Pennsylvania to go live with some boy, who I am not even sure is the one,” I say with a small sigh.  
“Then make him move out there, he should just compromise and live where you want to live,” My dad starts. “Or, maybe find somewhere in the middle to move to. Maybe like Missouri,” Mom says.  
“I like Missouri,” My dad says, “You’ll be close to your uncles there.”  
“That’s true, I like Missouri too,” I chimed in.  
“Good luck baby girl,” My mom says, “and come over lunch.”  
“Okay mom,” I say.

I hang up. I walk in and sit down in a chair. I wait for about an hour and Austin comes back out with a smile on his face. I stand up and walk to him, taking his hand.

 “He’s all good. He needs a check in in six months or after his next tour, which ever comes first,” His doctor tells me.  
“Yes sir,” I say  
“Ready to go babe?” Austin asks.  
“Mom wants you to come over for lunch,” I answer him.  
“Okay sounds good,” Austin comments.

I take Austin’s keys, I was going to drive. I know to get around to California. Austin and I make small talk all the way to my parents. I got a little lost on the way to my rents, wasn’t going to tell Austin that. His car was also bigger than I was use it. I get to my parents. I park and we get out. We walk up to the door. Austin knocks on the door.

 Mom opens the door, “Hi sweeties!”  
“Hi Mrs. Ella,” Austin says sweetly. “Please sweetie call me mom,” She beams.  
“Okay…,” Austin says with expression of unease.  
I squeeze Austin’s hand, “Hey mom.”  
“Come in sweeties,” My mom bellows.

We walk in. My dad gets up from his chair and walk to Austin. He offers his hand to him. Austin shakes his hand.

  “Hello Austin,” My dad greets. He’s met him before why is it so weird this time around.  
“Hello Mr. Ella,” Austin chimes.  
“Please, call me dad,” My dad says.  
“Yes sir,” Austin says.  
 Austin sits down on the couch. Dad sits down on his chair. They start to talk about sports. My mom and I make lunch.

“How was Austin’s appointment?” My mom asks.  
“He was good. He checks in well,” I answer.  
“That’s great sweetie. Have you talk to him about the living situation?”  
“No, that didn’t come up. I know I should.”  
“Tomorrow I will.”  
“Today baby girl.”

We finish lunch and call the men to the dining room. We all eat with small talk. I love this. It was really nice. We finish eating and my parents clean up the table. I take Austin’s hands. I look at him.  

“Austin?” I ask quietly.  
“Yeah, what’s up love?” He answers in the same quietness as me.  
“We need to talk about living situation,” I tell him. “Do you not like the idea of moving back and forth?” Austin questions?  
“No, I want somewhere permanent,” I answer.  
“Like?”  
“Somewhere half way?” “But, I love the beach.”  
“Yeah and I love Pennsylvania and there’s a beach.”  
“But California Beach.”  
“But…” “Can we talk about it later?”  
“Yeah, we can.”  
“I love you.” “I love you too.”

Austin and I get up and we tell my parents we are going to go. My mom tells me that she hopes she sees me before I go back. I tell her I will. I give my dad the biggest hug. He hugs me back. My mom had pulled Austin into a hug. He seemed a bit uncomfortable. I just let out a small laugh. My dad and Austin shook hands. Austin and I get in the car and Austin drives.

“I know just the place,” Austin says happily.  
“What do you mean?” I ask.  
“I was thinking Big Bear,” Austin says with a smile.  
“Big Bear?” I question.  
“It’s the best place. It get snow,” He answers, “We can move there. That can be our compromise.”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Babe, listen, I found a small little house we are going to look at. You don't have to say yes, but just look.”  
“Austin, you can’t just do that!” I exclaims.  
“Well, I did.”

I roll my eyes a bit. He’s such an ass. I did however decided to have an open mind. I find it quite annoying that he won’t consider Pennsylvania. I take his hand in mine. I squeeze it just to let him I was a bit annoyed. I think he gets the point.

“Ouch,” He mumbles.  
“I am sorry,” I say a bit actually sorry.  
“I love you,” He says.  
“I love you too,” I say back.

 We get to Big Bear and to a small house. There is a real estate agent waiting for us. We get out and walk up and meet her. She greets us. She walks us through the small house. It was really cute. I liked it. I wasn’t going to admit that I liked it. Austin asked me about the house. I tell him that it’s okay. Now I need to schedule beach house visits in Pennsylvania. We got back in the car, he drives us to his house. Once we get to the house. We get in his house and sit down on his couch. He plays with my hair.

 “Babe?” He asks quietly.  
“Yeah?” I answer.  
“Do you want to get a California Burrito for dinner?” He questions. “Yeah,” I say quietly.  
“Cool,” He comments.  
“Austin?” “Yeah?” “I think I am going to go home tomorrow.” “Why?”  
“I just need space and time to think about us. Also we got a small gig in Philly in like three days.” “Okay.”

 I felt awful, but I needed room to breathe.

*********************  
Night Of Concert

“Hello Philidelphites. It’s your leader. I am giving you permission to lose your shit tonight and have fun.” I state into the microphone before my band goes on.

We all walk on. We perform a song. I do my crowd talking, same thing every time, however we are the headliners for this so I just made them stoked for the bands that did just play. I ask them how they are feeling, just a bunch of cheers. I laugh a bit. It came to be the end of the show, I state that we are going to play one of the sentimental songs, all the guys take the hint and get off. It’s just Elijah and me, like always. We play this song and get about half way through it before I feel tears weld up in my eyes. My vocals get shake and I slump down to my knees. Elijah finishes the song. I couldn’t even do the rest of the vocal. I walked off stage, turning off the microphone. I walk into the dressing room. Spencer and York had their eyes raised. Simon headed out towards the stage.

 “Did you take your medication?”  
 “Yes.”  
 “Why are acting like you're having a panic attack?”   
“I don’t know…it’s just an emotional song.”

I walk outside with my phone I dial Austin’s number. I just needed to talk to him. I hear him pick up.  

“Hey baby,” He says softly.  
“Hey Austin,” I say with a small tear in my eyes, “I was just calling to tell you I love you so much and I miss you.”  
“I love you so much too. I miss you too.”  
“I wanna marry you someday.”  
“I want to marry you too.” That’s weird, that sounded close.

I felt a tap on my shoulder that makes me jump. I turn around and face Austin. We both hang up and I jump into his arms. He holds me, my legs wrapping around his waist. We share a deep loving kiss. He holds me close to him. I pull away when oxygen becomes necessary. I look at him.

 “Surprise,” Austin says.  
“I love you so much,” I say quietly.  
“I love you so much too,” Austin replies back to me.

Austin walks us back inside and to the dressing room. Spencer, Simon, and York looks relieved to see me. I hop down from Austin’s hold. Elijah runs to me and wraps his arms around me.

“Thank God you're okay. I was so worried,” Elijah says.  
“Don’t worry about me,” I reply to Elijah.  
“I love you,” Elijah whispers.  
“I love you too,” I whisper back to him.

I go back to Austin. I smile at him. We share a kiss.

 “Kids want to see you Phoe,” Simon states.  
“Yeah, I’ll head out,” I say.  
“I’ll stay here,” Austin comments.

I walk out of the dressing room, towards the stage. I get down from the stage and I walk to merch area. People cheered a bit when I saw them. I manage to get them quiet.

 “I am okay. I had a moment, but I am fine now,” I state.

 They cheered. I smile wide and took a bunch of pictures and signed a bunch of stuff. I signed some guys ass, who swears he’s getting it tattooed there. I told him he shouldn’t. After getting through everyone, I head back to the dressing room. Austin wraps himself around me the second I walk in. I smile and kiss him.  
  ***********************  
Yes, I did think about Austin and I. I decided to settle in Big Bear. I just want something bigger because I need space for my recording studio. My house was my first major purchase after our first album sold a bunch.

 Austin and I are laying on the bed in my house. He’s playing with my hair.

 “I want to move to Big Bear, however I want a bigger house,” I admit.  
 “Really?” He asks.  
“Yes, I do. I liked it out there. Orange County was also nice, and I know that’s where the guys are,” I answer.  
“Babe! I am so happy!” Austin exclaims.

 I kiss him gently and he kisses back. He pulls me close to him. I snuggle into him. I love the warmth he radiates. This was a nice night. I could get use to this.


	21. XXI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is short but I can't go on writing it. But for real I am glad Austin canceled the tour, he needs time for his health

We did it. We officially made the move to California. I lived in California. Isabella was a bit heart broken when she found out I was moving. I told her it was okay because I know I was the only thing holding her to Pennsylvania, so Josh and her could move Canada, like Josh has been wanting to. I know for Tux the move was hard. I know getting used to the hot temperature was going to be a struggle. My parents are stoked that I now live closer to them. Austin is a bit bummed to have to leave his beach house, I told him he could keep it. He said he was thinking about it, and that’s the last time we talked about it. 

Currently I am prepping the room where my studio will be before I start to set it up. It’s just been a bunch of soundproofing the room and figuring out the wires will run from one room to the other. I’ve also been setting up the vocal booth, which is my pride and joy. I’ve been prepping for about a week, knowing that another week will be dedicated to setting up. I know I’ve spent a bunch on nice equipment. I’ve got the best stuff I could get my hand on. I’ve also set up the rooms for the bands to stay. Austin just gave me his card and I’ve been spending a lot, and I feel horrible. He insist that it’s our money now, but I feel horrible because I didn’t make this money. Austin has been helping me building stuff. I managed to get the recording studio in the basement, which it needed walls.

I expressed to this to Austin, so whilst I was packing to come here, Austin got some contractor in the basement to put up walls for me. I was so grateful for Austin. Big Bear has been great. Austin and I keep finding ourselves back in Orange County, getting burritos and In ’n’ Out. Austin and the guys are about to go back on tour, so most of the time we are in Orange County they’re talking about the tour and what songs they want to play and choosing a bus. I am just waiting for Kevin Lyman to get back to us. Our manager and Of Mice’s manager has been working their asses off to get us this opportunity. I’m pretty sure Kevin will say yes. We now have enough to have a bus. I am not telling Austin about the Warped thing till we get a ‘yes’. I’ve sneaked around Austin to talk to his manager. Ronald has been helpful and actually been getting along with Jonathan, York’s brother and our new manager/tour manager. It’s been full year since the tour with Of Mice and Tonight Alive.

It’s late February. Kevin should be getting back to Jonathan and Ronald soon. I am excited for this. I am laying in our bed whilst Austin is out to lunch with his guys. I am taking a break from the studio. I also had a good friend from high school, who moved to California after high school, to come paint murals on the walls of the studio, except for the vocal booth. She was down there doing it. I decided to hang in my room, so I am not hovering over her shoulder. I am enjoying this new place. It was all mine…and Austin’s. He’s leaving soon and it’s honestly killing me. I understand though. They're doing an overseas tour, which is the hardest thing. I’ll have limited time to talk to him. However it’ll be a good time for the guys to come over and we can start recording new stuff. I decide to send a tweet out about it.

@PhoeEllaDeath: We have time to record a new song. Just need the guys to join me in CA.

I pretty much got replies from the guys almost instantly. 

@ThePopesterDeath: @PhoeEllaDeath Yo, I’ll pack up my car and drive there. Can’t wait to see the new studio.   
@SimonPermDeath: @PhoeEllaDeath Yo, give me an hour or two and I’ll be there.  
@EliTheTexDeath: @PhoeEllaDeath SERIOUSLY SHOULD FLY OUT THERE! I MISS YOUR FACE AND I WANNA RECORD.  
@YorkTylerDeath: @PhoeEllaDeath are we talking about #KissOfDeathJuniorAlbum? Because Yes please. 

I laugh mostly at Elijah’s response, because honestly I hope he does. 

@PhoeEllaDeath: @EliTheTexDeath YO FLY OUT HERE SON! I MISS YOUR FACE TOO!  
@PhoeEllaDeath: @YorkTylerDeath Let’s give the fans what they want.  
@PhoeEllaDeath: @SimonPermDeath Come on down. My muralist should be done then.   
@PhoeEllaDeath: @ThePopsterDeath Please Do c: I miss you!

I got off of twitter as I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I get off my bed and I open the door to her, my muralist, face. I smile tiny.

 “Is it done?” I ask.  
“Almost, I was gonna put final touches. I just need to know black or white?” She asks.  
“Uh, white,” I answer with a smile.  
“Okay. It’ll be done in thirty minutes,” She answers.

She turned around and departed me. My phone started ringing and I took to see Jonathan’s name. I quickly pick up.

 “Whats up?” I say.  
“Guess who is going on Warped Tour?” Jonathan asks.  
“NO WAY!” I practically squeal.  
“Yes way! Gerard Way! Mikey Way!” Jonathan says with a small laugh.  
“I am so excited!” I say happily.  
“Let’s Skype call the guys later and let them know,” Jonathan says.  
“You’re the best Jon!” I squeal.  
“Yeah, yeah. Go have fun kiddo, love you,” He muses.   
“Alright, love you too,” I say and hang up.

 I immediately go on Twitter to send a quick tweet.   
 @PhoeEllaDeath: Summer Fun. Beaches, Music, and The Boys!

I hit send, hoping that was vague enough. I am super excited about all of this. I can’t wait for Austin to get home, so I can share the news with him.

From Austin: Hey baby, on my way home. 

 I squeal as I type out my reply.

 To Austin: Yay! I have news to tell you c:

I hit send and get up. I start to make my way down to the studio and I call out.

 “Kir? Is it done?” I ask as I stop halfway.   
“Yes ma’am!” She says.

I squeal as I run down the hall and I glance at it. It’s the beautiful tree I’ve always wanted. I notice the flecks of white coming through in the branches that were textured like music notes. It was just perfect. My eyes water up and I just look at it.

 “I love it. You are amazing!” I say happily as I hug Kir.  
“No problem. It was super fun. I know how long you’ve been wanting this. I am glad I finally got to do it,” Kir says happily as she hugs me back. “I have to go now. I have another project like this that I have to prep for.” She releases herself from my hug.  
“Yeah, of course. Let me get the money,” I say.

 We go back upstairs and I give her the money. I help load up her big truck, and she goes on her way. I go back downstairs and I sit down in front of the mural for an hour. I don’t even notice Austin calling my name or anything. He sits himself down next to me and I could see his smile in my peripheral. 

“This is kick ass,” he states simply.  
“I’ve wanted a tree painted for so long,” I say.  
“What did you need to tell me?” he asks.  
I just look over at him and smile, “Well, I went around you to talk to Ronald. Him and Jonathan has been working together and contacted Kevin Lyman…and they got Kiss of Death on Warped Tour!”  
“Congratulations baby!” Austin said as he kisses my head. “We should be back by the time you have to leave.”  
 “I hate this busy schedule,” I say.  
“I know,” his voice just soft. 

I just moved into his lap as I rest my head against his shoulder. His long tattooed arms wrap around my small frame. His lips press a tiny kiss to my head. I quite enjoy him holding me.  
 “We are thinking about recording a song for summer,” I inform Austin. “We?” Austin asks.  
“The guys and I. Do you want to do guess vocals?” I ask quietly.  
“Can I help with writing the song?” Austin questions me.   
“Yeah, of course!” I say excitedly. “I think the guys are coming soon. We’ve already made plans.”   
“Awesome!” Austin says, clearly excited for me. 

We share a quick kiss before pulling away. We get up and walk back to our bedroom. It’s been a long day, emotionally for us. Austin’s heart has been stressing a bit with all his tours. I am worried about it. He overworks himself, but he loves the touring life; he loves performing. I understand where he is coming from though. Him and I basically have the same job, his is just 20 times more crazier.

******  
Waking up with Austin’s arms around me, his stomach deflating and inflating with each breath he takes and lets out. It’s a beautiful sight. His breathing mask was on this morning, I swear it wasn’t on when we fell asleep. His breathing must had stopped during the night. That’s not good.

 “Aus?” I ask   
“Mmm?” He answers me weakly as he moves his breathing mask and turn off his machine.  
“What happened?”  
“My breathing was acting up last night, and I didn’t want to disturb you. I just hooked myself to my machine. I am fine.”  
“Austin, you know you can wake me up for that!”   
“You looked so peaceful.”  
“I love you, ya big idiot.”  
 “I love you too, brat.”

We share a tiny kiss. Tux meows and comes sits on my chest, small boobs for the win. I pet him as Austin snuggles into me. I love this. I love this perfect family I have.


End file.
